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<v ->(clap)</v>

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<v ->It's the Rundown Thursday, April 20th, 4/20.</v>

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<v ->It's brought to you by</v>
<v ->Oh-ho!</v>

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<v ->Yeah, oh yeah.</v>
<v ->You didn't know it was 4/20?</v>

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<v ->Forgot.</v>
<v ->You high right now?</v>

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<v ->Yeah.</v>

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<v ->'Cause I'm high.</v>

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<v ->You forgot 'cause you're high.</v>

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<v ->I get that.</v>

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<v ->So stoned you didn't know it was 4/20.</v>

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<v ->I'm sick, which is kinda like being high.</v>

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<v ->No, it's not.</v>

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<v ->What the fuck was that?</v>

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That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

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<v ->Nobody wants to be sick</v>
<v ->I was talking about my voice</v>

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and my lethargic aspect.

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<v ->Oh, I thought you meant, like, feeling good,</v>

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I was like, sick and high are not the same.

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<v ->My voice is slow and I'm lethargic.</v>

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<v ->Yeah.</v>

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<v ->I don't think it was that hard to pick up on.</v>

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<v ->Yeah, no it was.</v>
<v ->You're also just slow</v>

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and lethargic and dumpy in general.

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<v ->Dumpy didn't have to be added to that.</v>

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<v ->Well, you're lookin' a little dumpy (laughs).</v>

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<v ->Dan doesn't eat bread for one funkin' day,</v>

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<v ->Lost a few pounds, so now I'm feelin' good.</v>

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<v ->now he's fat shaming.</v>
<v ->Lookin' trim.</v>

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(talking over one another)

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<v ->We were in the back of the cab yesterday</v>

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on the way home from YouTube.

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We got sandwiches on the way outta Chelsea Market.

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Dan's just picking gross Italian deli meats

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off the sandwich.
<v ->Off the bread.</v>

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No bread for me.

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<v ->In the back of a New York City cab.</v>

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<v ->How long you been doin' no carbs?</v>

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<v ->Fireburger's like, how long you been doin' this?</v>

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<v ->I'm like, this is Day 2.</v>

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(laughter)

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<v ->Hey, I'm lookin' good, I'm feelin' good.</v>

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I feel spry, I got a little pep in my step.

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<v ->Spry.</v>

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<v ->It's like changing a dog's food.</v>

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<v ->You could not be further from the word spry.</v>

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<v ->When you change a dog's food, and they get all,</v>

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get all young again.

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<v ->That's how I feel.</v>

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<v ->Yeah, give it a week,</v>
<v ->Change the big dog's food.</v>

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<v ->You'll be stuffing your face with muffins.</v>

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<v ->Yeah, I'm just sayin'.</v>

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<v ->Alright.</v>

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(crosstalk)

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<v ->The Rundown is brought to you by SeatGeek.</v>

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Seatgeek, we've been working with for a long time.

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You know the deal.

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When you buy a ticket, you use the promo code "Rundown"

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and you get 20 bucks off.

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This is the last month you get 20 bucks off.

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So get your tickets now.

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You wanna buy tickets for something coming up now,

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you wanna buy it for months in advance,

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you gotta go before May 1st to get your $20 off.

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Also, they don't do the rebate thing any more

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where they send you the check

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or they send it to your PayPal.

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You get 20 bucks directly off the instant discount

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when you check out with your first purchase.

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Do it now, get it in before May 1st

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'cause after that, the $20 rebate is changing.

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So once again, download the free SeatGeek app,

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go to Settings, click Add a Promo Code,

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enter the code, "Rundown," get $20 instantly off

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your first ticket purchase and do it all before May 1st,

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before the discount changes.

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<v ->Woohoo!</v>

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<v ->By the way, this is exactly how I feel when I'm high</v>

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now that I'm really thinking about it.

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It's why I don't smoke weed.

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Because I'm just out of it and I'm sick and I'm slow.

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<v ->Yeah, but weed's good.</v>

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You smoke it and you feel good.

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<v ->Being high is not like being sick.</v>

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<v ->No, it's not even close.</v>

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<v ->This is how I feel when I'm high,</v>

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so I feel like it right now.

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<v ->That's weird.</v>
<v ->I just feel like</v>

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I don't wanna be here with you two idiots.

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<v ->I definitely don't wanna be here</v>

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with you guys.
<v ->I wanna be home in bed.</v>

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I don't feel good.

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I have the spins.

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<v ->You don't have the spins.</v>

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<v ->I do have the spins, I'm sick, Dan.</v>

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<v ->You're being dramatic, is what you're being.</v>

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<v ->I'm always dramatic.</v>

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<v ->Oh my god, that's true.</v>

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<v ->You're like my fuckin' wife,</v>

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you're just very dramatic right now.

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<v ->Yeah.</v>

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<v ->You're sick.</v>

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<v ->You're snapping, you're lashing out.</v>

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<v ->When I'm sick, I hit drama mode.</v>

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<v ->Jesus.</v>

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This is a Portnoy-free rundown.

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We're supposed to enjoy it, and you're ruining it.

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<v ->Yeah.</v>

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<v ->Ya dick.</v>

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We'll start with Serena Williams.

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Serena Williams is pregnant as shit.

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She was nine weeks pregnant,

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and she smoked everyone at the Australian Open,

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and she took a rather ridiculous picture

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with her nerdy, skinny, white boyfriend from Reddit

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where she was holding him up,

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which reminded me,

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you know that

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<v ->She wasn't holding him up, he was holding her up.</v>

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= Right right right right.

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<v ->Which is a real testament to his strength.</v>

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<v ->It shoulda been the other way around,</v>

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it made me remember how YP looked exactly like the guy

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in that weird porn advertisement.

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<v ->(laughs) That was a weird porn ad, Phoenix Marie.</v>

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That was pretty popular porn star.

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<v ->That's not Phoenix Marie.</v>

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<v ->Yes it is.</v>
<v ->No it's not!</v>

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<v ->I've watched the full video.</v>

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<v ->No, it's not Phoenix Marie.</v>

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<v ->I've watched it!</v>

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<v ->Don't you ruin that for me.</v>
<v ->It's on Brazzers.</v>

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<v ->Don't you ruin that for me!</v>

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<v ->You have a password?</v>

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<v ->I used to have a password, then I lost my credit card.</v>

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I had to cancel it, and I just never re-upped it.

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<v ->Yeah, 'cause it's $30 a month.</v>

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(laughter)

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<v ->That's a lot of fuckin' money.</v>

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<v ->I mean, it's still,</v>

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<v ->Phoenix Marie used to kill it.</v>

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I don't wanna hear that she's like,

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that Amazon chick in that thing, man.

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Anyway, Serena.

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Very pregnant.

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You know, if you're just out there winning majors

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in straight sets when you're pregnant

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in the very beginning when it's the absolute worst,

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when you have morning sickness and shit.

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<v ->Okay, so tell us this.</v>

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Nine weeks, I have no idea.

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Do you even know you're pregnant?

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<v ->That's what I was thinking.</v>

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It did seem like she didn't even know.

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<v ->Or is that just like I have acid reflux</v>

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for a couple weeks?

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<v ->But that's right when</v>

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you should probably start feeling nauseous and shit.

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<v ->Fine.</v>

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I'm not that impressed.

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<v ->(scoffs)</v>

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<v ->Like when Jordan played with the flu.</v>

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<v ->I'm really not.</v>

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<v ->It's like a flu game every single day of your life.</v>

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<v ->Yeah, no I'm the same way.</v>

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There was that wicked viral tweet that's like,

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"Serena Williams won Wimbledon or whatever the fuck she won,

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Australian Open while pregnant,

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so men should probably shut up forever now."

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You shut up, dude!

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<v ->I feel like, she wouldn't have,</v>

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<v ->A guy said that?</v>

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<v ->Yeah, a guy said that.</v>

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<v ->Listen, if she knew she was pregnant,</v>

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I bet she wouldn't have played.

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She probably didn't even know.

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<v ->No, I just think Serena just fuckin' smoked these chicks.</v>

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<v ->When do you find out?</v>

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How quickly?

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<v ->I mean, you missed your period,</v>

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and then you backdate it to a few weeks before that.

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<v ->Explain vaginas to me.</v>

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<v ->Yeah, I mean, when a man loves a woman,</v>

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you leave it in.

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(audience laughter)

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<v ->I think she probably knew and just didn't</v>

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<v Man>Nine weeks pregnant?</v>

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<v Woman>Yeah.</v>

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<v Man>Ebony says it is.</v>

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<v ->Yeah, nine weeks, that's over two months.</v>

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You're feelin' it.

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<v Woman>You would know.</v>

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It's like you have the fuckin' flu.

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<v ->Yeah, well Michael Jordan did that,</v>

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so women should shut up forever.

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<v ->Final verdict,</v>

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you're doing the Rundown pregnant right now.

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<v ->Alright.</v>

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<v ->You're acting like a little bitch right now.</v>

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<v ->I'm fat and I'm sick, I'm definitely pregnant.</v>

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<v ->I don't know, I'm just,</v>

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maybe I should be impressed.

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<v ->It's more of a testament to how much women's tennis sucks</v>

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aside from her that she can roll out there pregnant

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and smoke everybody.

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<v ->If someone would explain to me</v>

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how pregnant nine weeks was, I might be more impressed.

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I have an open mind about it, let's just say that.

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<v ->But you can only explain pregnancy to me by size of belly.</v>

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<v ->Yeah.</v>

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<v ->You know how when you're the doctor, it's like,</v>

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"How do you feel one to 10?" and it's smiley faces?"

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<v ->How hungover?</v>

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<v ->That's how I need to understand pregnancy.</v>

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How pregnant are you, show me the belly.

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<v ->You're not rockin' the belly yet,</v>

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but I do think you feel like shit.

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<v ->Then you're not pregnant.</v>

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If I can't tell by lookin' at you, you're not pregnant.

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<v ->I do feel like you feel like shit.</v>

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<v ->Yeah, if Serena Williams is walking around</v>

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and no one knows she's pregnant,

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I don't think she should get credit for it.

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<v ->Yeah (laughs) that's totally fuckin' true.</v>

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<v ->That's a fair take.</v>

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<v ->I really fuckin' don't.</v>

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<v ->You know how when your leg hurts</v>

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and you kinda accentuate the limp

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so people are like, "Oh no, he's hurt?"

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<v ->Yeah.</v>

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<v ->That's what you do when you're pregnant.</v>

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Stuff a pillow under your stomach.

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<v ->I'm sooo pregnant.</v>

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<v ->I'm not pregnant enough to be fat yet,</v>

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but everyone should know I'm pregnant.

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Get one of those fake pregnant bellies.

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<v ->I have a pregnant wife at home.</v>

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I'm done with this.

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<v ->Last time I talked about pregnant people</v>

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on this show, I got in a lot of trouble, so.

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<v ->We're gonna move on from this topic,</v>

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although I will say, Serena Williams and this Reddit dude

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is the weirdest couple of all time.

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<v ->Yeah it is.</v>

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<v ->They are so fuckin' weird.</v>

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<v ->Yeah it is.</v>

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<v ->They're weirder than Phoenix Marie</v>

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and that dude she's tossin' around in the porn.

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It's a weird day for the Rundown.

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It's a slow day.

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We got this in inmate who killed himself,

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Aaron Hernandez-style, all because,

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<v ->Oh, we're just gonna,</v>

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he get's that now forever?

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(Laughter)

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<v ->Yeah, I think so.</v>

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<v ->If you're a prisoner who kills yourself,</v>

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you're Aaron Hernandez?

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<v ->I mean, it's been fuckin' 12 hours?</v>

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No, this isn't a problematic thing,

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I just don't think he deserves,

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<v ->It's an honor,</v>

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<v ->Yeah, I don't think he deserves that tag.</v>

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There's gotta be more famous prisoners.

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<v ->I'm giving him that tag.</v>

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No, name one.

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Name somebody more famous that killed themselves in jail.

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<v ->Red.</v>

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<v ->Real person</v>
<v ->Oh, good one.</v>

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<v ->That's fuckin' a cop-out, and you guys are just</v>

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<v ->Wait who's Red?</v>
<v ->Backin' each other up.</v>

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<v ->Yeah, he's the guy from fuckin' Shawshank.</v>

272
07:33.465 --> 07:34.520
<v ->I was thinking Brooks.</v>

273
07:34.520 --> 07:35.353
<v ->Brooks.</v>

274
07:35.353 --> 07:36.253
<v ->That's what I was thinking Brooks, too.</v>

275
07:36.253 --> 07:38.290
<v ->He got out of jail, then he killed himself.</v>

276
07:38.290 --> 07:39.550
<v ->Brooks was, yeah.</v>

277
07:39.550 --> 07:40.383
<v ->Red was too.</v>

278
07:40.383 --> 07:41.216
You guys are idiots.

279
07:41.216 --> 07:42.049
You're dumb.

280
07:42.049 --> 07:42.882
You're dumb.

281
07:42.882 --> 07:43.726
<v ->I'm sick.</v>

282
07:43.726 --> 07:44.559
<v ->Yeah, you're sick.</v>

283
07:44.559 --> 07:45.392
You're high.

284
07:45.392 --> 07:46.292
He killed himself.

285
07:47.290 --> 07:50.180
He was innocent, and there was a fax

286
07:50.180 --> 07:51.180
that was supposed to have gone through

287
07:51.180 --> 07:52.550
to proclaim his innocence,

288
07:52.550 --> 07:54.570
and it just didn't go through.

289
07:54.570 --> 07:57.270
The world can not still be working with fax machines.

290
07:57.270 --> 08:00.353
<v ->It's like Michael Scott when he says to David Wallace,</v>

291
08:01.410 --> 08:02.243
doesn't give him the fax,

292
08:02.243 --> 08:04.030
and David goes, "Well, Michael, this is important."

293
08:04.030 --> 08:05.210
He goes, "Well then email it, David."

294
08:05.210 --> 08:06.043
<v ->Yeah!</v>

295
08:06.043 --> 08:07.410
You don't use fax.

296
08:07.410 --> 08:10.730
You should not have the fate of a man's life

297
08:10.730 --> 08:12.450
hanging in the balance with a fax machine.

298
08:12.450 --> 08:13.840
<v ->It's West Virginia, so that,</v>

299
08:13.840 --> 08:16.090
<v ->So that's the best technology they got.</v>

300
08:16.090 --> 08:17.900
<v ->Yeah, I mean, this is important,</v>

301
08:17.900 --> 08:20.321
let's not do beepers here, let's use the fax machine.

302
08:20.321 --> 08:21.550
(laughter)

303
08:21.550 --> 08:24.110
<v ->I mean, West Virginia is like the land that time forgot.</v>

304
08:24.110 --> 08:24.943
<v ->Right.</v>

305
08:24.943 --> 08:25.776
<v ->They're that far behind.</v>

306
08:25.776 --> 08:27.390
<v ->Also, I don't really buy this story.</v>

307
08:27.390 --> 08:29.457
I just don't think that could happen.

308
08:29.457 --> 08:31.960
We got fake stories left and right today.

309
08:31.960 --> 08:33.780
How could this happen?

310
08:33.780 --> 08:35.340
How could this happen?

311
08:35.340 --> 08:36.173
<v ->West Virginia.</v>

312
08:36.173 --> 08:38.710
<v ->I was just gonna say, I think it's a West Virginia thing.</v>

313
08:38.710 --> 08:40.250
<v ->Really?</v>

314
08:40.250 --> 08:42.113
But the guy knows he's innocent,

315
08:42.980 --> 08:45.250
and he knows he's got a big fax coming?

316
08:45.250 --> 08:47.030
<v ->Well, I assume innocent people,</v>

317
08:47.030 --> 08:49.310
if you're not badass enough to commit a crime,

318
08:49.310 --> 08:51.752
you probably can't really handle jail that well.

319
08:51.752 --> 08:53.050
<v ->We've done a bad job, by the way this week,</v>

320
08:53.050 --> 08:54.290
which actually I love,

321
08:54.290 --> 08:56.820
because it's like old KFC radio of fact-checking stuff.

322
08:56.820 --> 08:58.710
<v ->I have not even checked one thing.</v>

323
08:58.710 --> 09:00.470
<v ->'Cause I was interested when you talked</v>

324
09:00.470 --> 09:02.770
about the Aaron Hernandez book that's coming out.

325
09:02.770 --> 09:03.603
<v ->No, that was him.</v>

326
09:03.603 --> 09:05.890
<v ->Yeah, that's not even close to true (laughs).</v>

327
09:06.800 --> 09:08.780
A woman who's writing a book

328
09:08.780 --> 09:11.130
about the Boston Marathon bombing

329
09:11.130 --> 09:14.110
went on a radio station and said he might've been gay.

330
09:14.110 --> 09:15.416
<v ->So there's no book about it.</v>

331
09:15.416 --> 09:17.647
<v ->(laughs) No, I was like,</v>

332
09:17.647 --> 09:18.830
"What's this book deal that's coming out?"

333
09:18.830 --> 09:20.440
<v ->I'm blaming WEEI for that one.</v>

334
09:20.440 --> 09:21.800
<v ->Yeah that's probably on you.</v>

335
09:21.800 --> 09:22.633
<v ->We're not fact checkers.</v>

336
09:22.633 --> 09:23.466
<v ->No that's on EEI.</v>

337
09:24.755 --> 09:26.850
<v ->There's a lot of things got crossed.</v>

338
09:26.850 --> 09:29.080
<v ->In fairness to Kevin, he did cite</v>

339
09:29.080 --> 09:31.310
it was a caller named Rabbit.

340
09:31.310 --> 09:32.143
<v ->Well yeah, there's that</v>

341
09:32.143 --> 09:33.670
<v ->You were all in on that.</v>

342
09:33.670 --> 09:35.796
<v ->Caller Rabbit says he talked to him yesterday.</v>

343
09:35.796 --> 09:36.757
<v ->I was not all in, I just said</v>

344
09:36.757 --> 09:38.106
we oughta talk about the gay rumors.

345
09:38.106 --> 09:39.370
<v ->Yeah.</v>

346
09:39.370 --> 09:43.113
<v ->Also, there was a stoolie that had a tweet from 2015,</v>

347
09:44.440 --> 09:46.560
he nailed all these rumors a year ago.

348
09:46.560 --> 09:48.250
<v ->He was like, favorite this tweet,</v>

349
09:48.250 --> 09:49.560
I promise you this will be coming out,

350
09:49.560 --> 09:51.610
he's gay and that's why all these murders happened and shit.

351
09:51.610 --> 09:52.520
<v ->Wow.</v>

352
09:52.520 --> 09:54.710
That's gotta be, to murder someone

353
09:54.710 --> 09:58.147
'cause you're gay in 2017 is wild.

354
09:58.147 --> 09:58.980
<v ->You're a fuckin' loser.</v>

355
09:58.980 --> 10:00.080
<v ->Yeah, but,</v>

356
10:00.080 --> 10:02.680
I totally agree in a sense, but also,

357
10:02.680 --> 10:04.413
Aaron Hernandez didn't run with the same crowd as us.

358
10:04.413 --> 10:05.246
<v ->Yeah</v>
<v ->Yeah, I get it.</v>

359
10:05.246 --> 10:07.050
<v ->The circle he's in, if you're gay, it's the worst.</v>

360
10:07.050 --> 10:07.883
<v ->It's no bueno.</v>
<v ->Yeah.</v>

361
10:07.883 --> 10:09.479
<v ->Get a new crowd.</v>

362
10:09.479 --> 10:10.840
<v ->(laughs)</v>

363
10:10.840 --> 10:12.750
Julia Roberts has been named

364
10:12.750 --> 10:15.480
the world's most beautiful woman.

365
10:15.480 --> 10:17.880
2017 world's most beautiful woman.

366
10:17.880 --> 10:19.860
I believe she's been on it five times,

367
10:19.860 --> 10:23.200
and I think it's been 26 years since her last appearance.

368
10:23.200 --> 10:24.033
John?

369
10:24.033 --> 10:25.660
<v ->Five times is too many for Julia Roberts,</v>

370
10:25.660 --> 10:26.600
right off the bat.

371
10:26.600 --> 10:28.484
<v ->What, is she like, Tom Hanks on SNL?</v>

372
10:28.484 --> 10:29.540
<v ->(laughs) Yeah, right.</v>

373
10:29.540 --> 10:30.670
<v ->The John Goodman.</v>

374
10:30.670 --> 10:31.523
<v ->But the thing,</v>

375
10:32.430 --> 10:33.320
It's reverse sexism.

376
10:33.320 --> 10:34.460
That's what I'm hot about today, Dan.

377
10:34.460 --> 10:35.293
<v ->Okay.</v>

378
10:35.293 --> 10:36.126
<v ->Yeah.</v>

379
10:36.126 --> 10:37.313
<v ->He's right though.</v>

380
10:38.816 --> 10:41.310
<v ->When People, they honor the most beautiful men,</v>

381
10:41.310 --> 10:42.630
it's always just a sex bomb.

382
10:42.630 --> 10:44.400
<v ->It's actually called Sexiest Man Alive.</v>

383
10:44.400 --> 10:45.420
<v ->This year, it's the Rock.</v>

384
10:45.420 --> 10:46.800
<v ->Woman, it's Most Beautiful,</v>

385
10:46.800 --> 10:48.810
<v ->Like brains and shit, for women.</v>

386
10:48.810 --> 10:50.940
<v ->Julia Roberts is not objectively speaking</v>

387
10:50.940 --> 10:52.000
the most beautiful woman in the world.

388
10:52.000 --> 10:52.833
<v ->Correct.</v>
<v ->Not even close.</v>

389
10:52.833 --> 10:53.920
<v ->It's just false.</v>

390
10:53.920 --> 10:56.370
But we ran through the last five of the men.

391
10:56.370 --> 10:58.260
It was The Rock, David Beckham,

392
10:58.260 --> 10:59.743
<v ->Wait, that's a brain.</v>

393
11:00.640 --> 11:03.911
<v ->Well, The Rock's also a big slab of meat, too.</v>

394
11:03.911 --> 11:04.744
<v ->Yeah, go ahead.</v>

395
11:04.744 --> 11:06.393
<v ->The Rock, David Beckham,</v>

396
11:06.393 --> 11:08.266
<v ->Chris Hemsworth.</v>
<v ->Chris Hemsworth.</v>

397
11:08.266 --> 11:09.350
<v ->Ryan Reynolds,</v>
<v ->Ryan Reynolds.</v>

398
11:09.350 --> 11:10.540
<v ->They're all fucking smokes.</v>

399
11:10.540 --> 11:11.373
<v ->Just humps.</v>

400
11:11.373 --> 11:13.170
<v ->So we're being persecuted against.</v>

401
11:13.170 --> 11:14.040
<v ->Yeah.</v>

402
11:14.040 --> 11:16.310
<v ->They're making us out to be just objects.</v>

403
11:16.310 --> 11:18.960
Whereas they're going into the woman's mind.

404
11:18.960 --> 11:19.793
That's not fair.

405
11:19.793 --> 11:21.020
<v ->And all the women are old.</v>

406
11:21.020 --> 11:22.380
The last five,
<v ->Old as shit.</v>

407
11:22.380 --> 11:24.650
<v ->They're all the women who are like, Christie Brinkley,</v>

408
11:24.650 --> 11:26.440
like aging backwards, but it's like

409
11:26.440 --> 11:29.310
Jennifer Aniston, J-Lo, Sandra Bullock,

410
11:29.310 --> 11:30.590
<v ->So People's figured it out.</v>

411
11:30.590 --> 11:32.900
People has figured out that they can basically

412
11:32.900 --> 11:36.060
can be champions to women

413
11:36.060 --> 11:38.850
and also get guys riled up enough to talk about it.

414
11:38.850 --> 11:39.683
<v ->Yeah.</v>

415
11:39.683 --> 11:41.214
That is true.
<v ->Genius.</v>

416
11:41.214 --> 11:44.649
<v ->It's smart but I also would like them to respect the game</v>

417
11:44.649 --> 11:46.682
one time for me and pick a super-sexy chick.

418
11:46.682 --> 11:47.520
<v ->I don't like to give People magazine that much credit.</v>

419
11:47.520 --> 11:49.723
<v ->I think they're doing a good job.</v>

420
11:50.610 --> 11:51.840
I think they're playing us.

421
11:51.840 --> 11:55.170
Now, I don't really keep up on these things.

422
11:55.170 --> 11:59.364
We probably need Dave and his mass media blog or whatever.

423
11:59.364 --> 12:00.620
But is this the rankings?

424
12:00.620 --> 12:01.517
<v ->Yes.</v>

425
12:01.517 --> 12:02.427
<v ->Is it like boxing?</v>

426
12:02.427 --> 12:04.230
Are there multiple belts though?

427
12:04.230 --> 12:05.230
Or is this the belt?

428
12:05.230 --> 12:06.970
<v ->Perhaps, but People is the end-all, be-all</v>

429
12:06.970 --> 12:08.750
of world's sexiest blah, blah, blah.

430
12:08.750 --> 12:09.763
<v ->We used to have the Maxim 100,</v>

431
12:09.763 --> 12:12.047
<v ->Then it's bullshit, that's what I'm saying.</v>

432
12:12.047 --> 12:12.880
<v ->But Maxim's not around any more.</v>

433
12:12.880 --> 12:13.713
<v ->Can you win, yeah?</v>

434
12:13.713 --> 12:15.620
<v ->And those were also always fucking terrible, too.</v>

435
12:15.620 --> 12:16.830
Those never really got it right.

436
12:16.830 --> 12:17.663
They were better than Julia Roberts,

437
12:17.663 --> 12:19.486
but they never got it right.

438
12:19.486 --> 12:23.010
<v ->What's her name, who, she is the one that time forgot?</v>

439
12:23.010 --> 12:26.810
Who won it one year, the, I can't,

440
12:26.810 --> 12:29.500
<v ->People, I actually rescind my criticism of you.</v>

441
12:29.500 --> 12:30.420
<v ->Fox.</v>

442
12:30.420 --> 12:31.610
What's her name?

443
12:31.610 --> 12:32.443
<v ->Megan Kelly.</v>

444
12:32.443 --> 12:34.830
<v ->Megan Fox, remember her?</v>

445
12:34.830 --> 12:35.860
She fell off the map.

446
12:35.860 --> 12:36.920
<v ->She got pregnant.</v>

447
12:36.920 --> 12:38.100
<v ->She was on New Girl this year,</v>

448
12:38.100 --> 12:39.930
shout out Peter, great show.

449
12:39.930 --> 12:42.078
<v ->Oh, she's on the map.</v>

450
12:42.078 --> 12:43.100
<v ->(laughs)</v>

451
12:43.100 --> 12:45.150
<v ->He is the map.</v>
<v ->Yeah. (laughs)</v>

452
12:45.150 --> 12:49.140
<v ->But People, I take back what I was saying about you.</v>

453
12:49.140 --> 12:50.430
People knows what they're doing.

454
12:50.430 --> 12:52.430
'Cause People's headlines yesterday,

455
12:52.430 --> 12:54.510
with the Patriots to the White House and Aaron Hernandez

456
12:54.510 --> 12:56.570
was so connected to get people hot,

457
12:56.570 --> 12:58.930
it was like, "Tom Brady pulls out of White House visit"

458
12:58.930 --> 13:01.140
after Aaron Hernandez has killed himself."

459
13:01.140 --> 13:02.420
Those are things that happened,

460
13:02.420 --> 13:04.309
but they're not connected at all.

461
13:04.309 --> 13:06.413
<v ->This brings up a good thing,</v>

462
13:06.413 --> 13:07.970
because I wanted to ask you guys this.

463
13:07.970 --> 13:10.490
Obviously what got hot on the internet last night

464
13:10.490 --> 13:13.530
was the whole before and after.

465
13:13.530 --> 13:18.110
How in this time, when everyone is talking about fake news,

466
13:18.110 --> 13:20.810
do you not do the smallest bit of research

467
13:20.810 --> 13:23.477
and be like, "Let me see what picture is what,"

468
13:23.477 --> 13:26.987
"and oh, there's a fucking woman in one of these pictures,"

469
13:26.987 --> 13:29.870
"it must be the staff, and not just the team."

470
13:29.870 --> 13:31.520
<v ->That ain't gonna get retweets, man.</v>

471
13:31.520 --> 13:33.230
<v ->Unbelievable how stupid,</v>

472
13:33.230 --> 13:35.780
you literally make yourself look so dumb

473
13:35.780 --> 13:37.530
when you don't even take two seconds,

474
13:37.530 --> 13:39.870
and I know I fell into some fake news.

475
13:39.870 --> 13:42.230
Earlier this week, I saw someone tweet me that

476
13:43.400 --> 13:44.840
we both are fake news.

477
13:44.840 --> 13:46.083
Trump throwing the hat.

478
13:47.507 --> 13:49.510
But I don't give a fuck, because that was funny fake news.

479
13:49.510 --> 13:51.220
That was, I wasn't like, "Trump's an asshole."

480
13:51.220 --> 13:52.180
I was like, "This is hilarious."

481
13:52.180 --> 13:53.730
<v ->But here's the thing with fake news, too.</v>

482
13:53.730 --> 13:54.830
It's become funny,

483
13:54.830 --> 13:56.887
because of how riled up people get about it.

484
13:56.887 --> 13:59.850
<v ->Yeah, but the problem is, there actually is fake news now.</v>

485
13:59.850 --> 14:00.683
<v ->I love fake news.</v>

486
14:00.683 --> 14:02.150
<v ->It's all fucking blurred.</v>

487
14:02.150 --> 14:03.280
When people are tweeting.

488
14:03.280 --> 14:05.450
When I saw that picture

489
14:05.450 --> 14:07.080
of the Patriots to the White House yesterday,

490
14:07.080 --> 14:07.913
I was like,

491
14:09.850 --> 14:11.181
"Wow, Jesus, there really aren't that many people there."

492
14:11.181 --> 14:12.077
<v ->It was believable, though,</v>

493
14:12.077 --> 14:13.337
'cause it was.

494
14:13.337 --> 14:15.044
<v ->It was the exact same thing with the inauguration, though.</v>

495
14:15.044 --> 14:16.837
One picture was taken at 8:00am

496
14:16.837 --> 14:17.765
and one picture was taken at 1:00pm.

497
14:17.765 --> 14:18.916
<v ->I need fair and balanced reporting.</v>

498
14:18.916 --> 14:20.372
<v ->You can make all that shit</v>

499
14:20.372 --> 14:21.710
look however you want it to look

500
14:21.710 --> 14:23.200
<v ->I'm very disappointed.</v>

501
14:23.200 --> 14:26.030
<v ->Dan, you're just not happy with the news.</v>

502
14:26.030 --> 14:28.130
<v ->I'm not happy with journalism right now.</v>

503
14:28.990 --> 14:30.770
I'm being honest, I'm not happy.

504
14:30.770 --> 14:32.300
<v ->Well what about the way the media</v>

505
14:32.300 --> 14:34.810
has covered Richard Simmons and his disappearance?

506
14:34.810 --> 14:39.000
He has released his first public statement in over a year.

507
14:39.000 --> 14:40.960
Ever since that spell was cast on him

508
14:40.960 --> 14:42.600
by his witch housekeeper.

509
14:42.600 --> 14:46.277
He said, "Aren't you sick of reading and hearing about me?"

510
14:46.277 --> 14:49.147
"LOL. Well by now you know, I'm not missing,"

511
14:49.147 --> 14:51.157
"I'm just a little under the weather."

512
14:51.157 --> 14:53.030
"I'm sure I'll be feeling good

513
14:53.030 --> 14:54.450
and back home in a couple days."

514
14:54.450 --> 14:55.950
<v ->A little under the weather like you John.</v>

515
14:55.950 --> 14:59.210
<v ->Only difference is, he's been basically in seclusion.</v>

516
14:59.210 --> 15:01.340
A prisoner in his own home for over a year.

517
15:01.340 --> 15:02.720
<v ->He's not home?</v>

518
15:02.720 --> 15:03.660
<v ->Well he's been trapped in his house.</v>

519
15:03.660 --> 15:05.020
<v ->But he said, "I'll be back home."</v>

520
15:05.020 --> 15:06.020
<v ->Yeah, that's what's weird, too.</v>

521
15:06.020 --> 15:06.960
I didn't quite understand that.

522
15:06.960 --> 15:07.793
<v ->Ooh.</v>

523
15:07.793 --> 15:08.626
<v ->The whole thing is that</v>
<v ->Scandal.</v>

524
15:08.626 --> 15:09.459
<v ->he hasn't been out at all.</v>

525
15:09.459 --> 15:10.720
He's always been in his house,

526
15:10.720 --> 15:12.660
again, because his housekeeper is a witch

527
15:12.660 --> 15:15.050
and put a sorcerer's spell on him.

528
15:15.050 --> 15:16.120
<v ->Now, do you think a witch</v>

529
15:16.120 --> 15:18.830
would waste her sorcery on Richard Simmons?

530
15:18.830 --> 15:21.203
I think if I had black magic powers,

531
15:22.314 --> 15:24.340
I think I'd find somewhere a little better.

532
15:24.340 --> 15:25.440
<v ->So I was thinking about this.</v>

533
15:25.440 --> 15:27.443
Because I listened to that podcast,

534
15:28.338 --> 15:29.171
<v ->You did?</v>

535
15:29.171 --> 15:31.087
<v ->I stopped after three, because I was like,</v>

536
15:31.087 --> 15:32.130
"This guy's just searching

537
15:32.130 --> 15:34.487
for a dude that doesn't wanna be found, this is very weird."

538
15:34.487 --> 15:35.480
<v ->It's a good gimmick.</v>

539
15:35.480 --> 15:37.332
It was hot and it made it number one,

540
15:37.332 --> 15:38.330
it's just not a good,

541
15:38.330 --> 15:39.500
there's no longevity there.

542
15:39.500 --> 15:42.130
<v ->Right, and for someone who is asking for privacy,</v>

543
15:42.130 --> 15:43.061
leave the dude alone.

544
15:43.061 --> 15:43.894
<v ->Mm-hmm.</v>

545
15:43.894 --> 15:46.780
<v ->But I can't figure out what you just said.</v>

546
15:46.780 --> 15:48.294
What is she getting out of it?

547
15:48.294 --> 15:49.127
Is it money?

548
15:49.127 --> 15:51.210
<v ->Well, I said, John thinks it's not a good target.</v>

549
15:51.210 --> 15:52.160
I think it's a great target.

550
15:52.160 --> 15:55.483
I think it's someone who low-key has a lot of money.

551
15:56.470 --> 15:57.303
<v ->Tons of money.</v>

552
15:57.303 --> 15:59.800
<v ->And nobody really, now they're looking for him,</v>

553
15:59.800 --> 16:01.610
it's become a thing, but before that,

554
16:01.610 --> 16:02.970
nobody really cared about him.

555
16:02.970 --> 16:05.710
My point was, you couldn't cast a spell on Justin Bieber.

556
16:05.710 --> 16:07.100
People would know that he's missing.

557
16:07.100 --> 16:07.933
<v ->Right.</v>

558
16:07.933 --> 16:10.900
<v ->So she just keeps this dude locked away in his bedroom,</v>

559
16:10.900 --> 16:12.520
and she spends all the money.

560
16:12.520 --> 16:15.740
I think it's a great way to use your sorcerer's powers

561
16:15.740 --> 16:16.670
and not make a big stink about it.

562
16:16.670 --> 16:18.770
<v ->But why doesn't she convince,</v>

563
16:18.770 --> 16:20.240
you're on it now,

564
16:20.240 --> 16:21.810
why doesn't she come witchcraft you out of this?

565
16:21.810 --> 16:23.840
<v ->Well, you can't witchcraft the whole world.</v>

566
16:23.840 --> 16:24.673
<v ->Why not?</v>

567
16:24.673 --> 16:25.506
You're a witch.

568
16:25.506 --> 16:26.633
<v ->You need access to the entire world then.</v>

569
16:26.633 --> 16:28.360
<v ->My experience in witches,</v>

570
16:28.360 --> 16:29.400
you can witchcraft anyone you want.

571
16:29.400 --> 16:30.970
<v ->In my experience with witches,</v>

572
16:30.970 --> 16:33.470
you need to be face to face with the person.

573
16:33.470 --> 16:35.950
<v ->Yeah, oh no, she's gotta fly on her broom to get to you.</v>

574
16:35.950 --> 16:37.760
<v ->But you can't do it to the whole world.</v>

575
16:37.760 --> 16:38.940
<v ->Why, it's like Santa.</v>

576
16:38.940 --> 16:39.810
Santa brings presents to the whole world,

577
16:39.810 --> 16:41.560
why can't a witch go to the whole world?

578
16:41.560 --> 16:44.323
<v ->Uh, I mean, she's probably Mexican.</v>

579
16:45.300 --> 16:46.629
<v ->Whoa, racist! Objection.</v>

580
16:46.629 --> 16:49.236
<v ->I thought we asked for a research team,</v>

581
16:49.236 --> 16:50.500
<v ->and they're just gone.</v>

582
16:50.500 --> 16:53.770
<v ->Clem, can you find out where Richard Simmons'</v>

583
16:53.770 --> 16:54.630
housekeeper is from?

584
16:54.630 --> 16:56.373
They're in California and she's a housekeeper.

585
16:56.373 --> 16:57.206
<v ->Wait, wait,</v>

586
16:57.206 --> 17:00.360
I didn't even make the racist connection

587
17:00.360 --> 17:04.279
about her being a housekeeper.

588
17:04.279 --> 17:07.080
I just thought you thought all witches were Mexican.

589
17:07.080 --> 17:08.660
<v ->No, if it's some West African country,</v>

590
17:08.660 --> 17:11.410
then the witch powers are.

591
17:11.410 --> 17:12.450
<v ->Witches are not Mexican.</v>

592
17:12.450 --> 17:13.350
Housekeepers are Mexican.

593
17:13.350 --> 17:16.067
<v Man>Mexican-born Theresa Ravellas.</v>

594
17:16.067 --> 17:17.260
<v ->It's not racist if it's true.</v>

595
17:17.260 --> 17:18.320
<v Man>64 years old.</v>

596
17:18.320 --> 17:19.153
<v ->There you go.</v>

597
17:19.153 --> 17:19.986
She is.

598
17:19.986 --> 17:21.440
<v ->Now Richard Simmons now,</v>

599
17:21.440 --> 17:22.530
well I guess if she's a witch

600
17:22.530 --> 17:23.490
he probably can't overpower her,

601
17:23.490 --> 17:24.710
but I feel like Richard Simmons,

602
17:24.710 --> 17:26.320
he's been throwing around the dumbies his whole life.

603
17:26.320 --> 17:28.700
If he can't beat a 64-year old Mexican up?

604
17:28.700 --> 17:30.710
<v ->It's not about strength.</v>

605
17:30.710 --> 17:33.520
She cast a fucking black magic spell on him.

606
17:33.520 --> 17:35.600
She could cast a spell on The Rock.

607
17:35.600 --> 17:36.481
<v ->Right.</v>

608
17:36.481 --> 17:38.850
<v ->(laughs) Now we're talking crazy.</v>

609
17:38.850 --> 17:41.460
<v ->I honestly don't know what to do with a Mexican witch.</v>

610
17:41.460 --> 17:44.660
Because I was thinking maybe it was a West African witch,

611
17:44.660 --> 17:45.956
you know like those witch doctors?

612
17:45.956 --> 17:46.810
<v ->That's like a witch doctor.</v>

613
17:46.810 --> 17:48.500
There's a difference between a witch doctor and a witch.

614
17:48.500 --> 17:49.333
<v ->Mexican.</v>

615
17:50.410 --> 17:53.260
Let's just say I imagine there's a fair amount

616
17:54.260 --> 17:56.540
of chicken carcasses everywhere.

617
17:56.540 --> 17:58.460
<v ->That's a very fair assessment.</v>

618
17:58.460 --> 17:59.831
A lot of blood.
<v ->Yeah, a lot of blood</v>

619
17:59.831 --> 18:00.664
<v ->A lot of decapitated chickens.</v>

620
18:00.664 --> 18:01.630
<v ->I think that's every witch though,</v>

621
18:01.630 --> 18:02.840
there's some blood,

622
18:02.840 --> 18:04.001
<v ->Witches are big on blood.</v>

623
18:04.001 --> 18:06.301
<v ->And a lot of bones, animal bones everywhere.</v>

624
18:07.360 --> 18:08.560
<v ->Wow.</v>

625
18:08.560 --> 18:10.410
<v ->Last video.</v>

626
18:10.410 --> 18:12.133
<v ->I didn't mean to piss off witches, by the way.</v>

627
18:12.133 --> 18:13.200
<v ->Well you did.</v>

628
18:13.200 --> 18:14.033
<v ->Yeah, it's too late.</v>

629
18:14.033 --> 18:15.120
<v ->I didn't.</v>

630
18:15.120 --> 18:16.030
<v ->Yeah you did.</v>

631
18:16.030 --> 18:20.780
<v ->You sounded very skeptical of witches' abilities,</v>

632
18:20.780 --> 18:21.870
and that would piss me off if I were a witch.

633
18:21.870 --> 18:24.020
<v ->Alright, I'm gonna throw it out there, then.</v>

634
18:24.020 --> 18:24.967
I'm gonna go all in.

635
18:24.967 --> 18:26.960
I'm cannonballing into this fuck witches thing.

636
18:26.960 --> 18:28.580
If you're a witch, cast a spell on me.

637
18:28.580 --> 18:29.413
<v ->Come get some.</v>

638
18:29.413 --> 18:31.230
<v ->Do it, bitch.</v>
<v ->Come get some.</v>

639
18:31.230 --> 18:32.063
<v ->Last video.</v>

640
18:32.063 --> 18:33.110
Do you wanna do this video of the 18-wheeler,

641
18:33.110 --> 18:34.173
or do you wanna make fun of Dave?

642
18:34.173 --> 18:35.120
<v ->Make fun of Dave.</v>
<v ->Let's make fun of Dave.</v>

643
18:35.120 --> 18:36.330
<v ->So Dave is not here,</v>

644
18:36.330 --> 18:38.050
he was supposed to be here,

645
18:38.050 --> 18:41.680
but he said, "The surgery was more,"

646
18:41.680 --> 18:42.957
He's got his hair plugs.

647
18:42.957 --> 18:45.970
"The surgery was more than I thought it was."

648
18:45.970 --> 18:47.970
I texted him, and I said, "Does your head hurt?"

649
18:47.970 --> 18:52.800
And he said, "It's weird, I have to go back there today."

650
18:52.800 --> 18:54.770
So, fingers crossed that something

651
18:54.770 --> 18:56.480
is going very wrong with his hair transplant.

652
18:56.480 --> 18:58.270
<v ->Frankie, do we know what's going on with Dave?</v>

653
18:58.270 --> 18:59.383
Is he coming back?

654
19:00.540 --> 19:02.151
<v Man>I think he's on the train back,</v>

655
19:02.151 --> 19:03.036
<v ->Alright so he's on the train.</v>

656
19:03.036 --> 19:04.300
So that's disappointing.

657
19:04.300 --> 19:07.377
Because Dave dying in a hair transplant surgery accident,

658
19:07.377 --> 19:10.745
<v ->He can still die, let's not take that off the table yet.</v>

659
19:10.745 --> 19:13.010
<v ->would have been the funniest thing in the world.</v>

660
19:13.010 --> 19:14.100
<v ->Well, it was like Joe Buck.</v>

661
19:14.100 --> 19:15.250
He almost died from that, right?

662
19:15.250 --> 19:16.850
<v ->Right, I forgot about that.</v>
<v ->Forgot about that.</v>

663
19:16.850 --> 19:18.860
<v ->Imagine if that happened to Dave.</v>

664
19:18.860 --> 19:21.130
<v ->Can we also talk about the hair transplant thing?</v>

665
19:21.130 --> 19:23.270
Because I know obviously his spin zone's gonna be that

666
19:23.270 --> 19:26.643
he did the PEDs and I've always said I'd play with PEDs.

667
19:27.670 --> 19:28.930
<v ->Would you get hair plugs?</v>

668
19:28.930 --> 19:32.920
<v ->First of all, Dave's bald spot was never that bad.</v>

669
19:32.920 --> 19:37.340
We made fun of it, but it was one of those jokes, ha ha ha,

670
19:37.340 --> 19:39.263
but it's so clear that it bothered him so much to get this.

671
19:39.263 --> 19:40.500
<v ->That we ratcheted it up.</v>

672
19:40.500 --> 19:41.720
There was also this picture recently,

673
19:41.720 --> 19:42.750
like maybe six months ago,

674
19:42.750 --> 19:44.070
you and me had a good laugh of it.

675
19:44.070 --> 19:45.450
It looked like Harry from Home Alone

676
19:45.450 --> 19:46.283
when he gets hit with the blowtorch.

677
19:46.283 --> 19:47.380
<v ->Yeah, I mean it was bad angles,</v>

678
19:47.380 --> 19:50.604
but I thought we were all on the same wavelength.

679
19:50.604 --> 19:51.748
We're bustin' balls here.

680
19:51.748 --> 19:52.581
<v ->Well it's like everything else here.</v>

681
19:52.581 --> 19:54.453
We call someone fat, they're not really that fat.

682
19:54.453 --> 19:55.286
<v ->Right.</v>

683
19:55.286 --> 19:56.180
<v ->You're bald, you're not really that bald.</v>

684
19:56.180 --> 19:57.013
<v ->Right.</v>

685
19:57.013 --> 20:00.990
<v ->For him to be insecure enough to get the surgery,</v>

686
20:00.990 --> 20:01.823
<v ->Right.</v>

687
20:01.823 --> 20:03.950
<v ->I mean, I'm not against it,</v>

688
20:03.950 --> 20:06.686
but for the sake of making fun of Dave I am against it.

689
20:06.686 --> 20:10.690
<v ->Second point, Dave Portnoy has made a living</v>

690
20:10.690 --> 20:13.910
on saying that he could get any chick with a sense of humor,

691
20:13.910 --> 20:16.870
and that his personality beats everything,

692
20:16.870 --> 20:19.220
and Bill Simmons is an ant and a this and that.

693
20:20.380 --> 20:22.800
Dave's doing this to get chicks.

694
20:22.800 --> 20:25.280
He's not doing it because we've been busting his balls.

695
20:25.280 --> 20:26.500
We've been busting his balls forever.

696
20:26.500 --> 20:27.500
<v ->No, yeah.</v>
<v ->He's so insecure.</v>

697
20:27.500 --> 20:29.610
<v ->It's definitely, he's newly single, it's no coincidence.</v>

698
20:29.610 --> 20:31.940
<v ->a little piece on the back of his head,</v>

699
20:31.940 --> 20:36.893
and he knows that the chicks he wants won't go for him,

700
20:37.950 --> 20:38.790
<v ->But here's the thing:</v>

701
20:38.790 --> 20:40.290
Chicks,

702
20:40.290 --> 20:41.123
<v ->Money and,</v>

703
20:41.123 --> 20:42.650
<v ->a bald spot is not appealing.</v>

704
20:42.650 --> 20:44.576
But it's the back of your fucking head.

705
20:44.576 --> 20:45.409
<v ->Well and also,</v>

706
20:45.409 --> 20:47.230
<v ->It's not like girls can see that and you're out.</v>

707
20:47.230 --> 20:48.290
It's a confidence thing.

708
20:48.290 --> 20:49.230
He's insecure about it,

709
20:49.230 --> 20:50.941
doesn't have the confidence to get these chicks.

710
20:50.941 --> 20:52.420
<v ->Because he's too short and girls can see.</v>

711
20:52.420 --> 20:53.253
<v ->That is true.</v>

712
20:53.253 --> 20:54.620
When you're that short, you can see the bald spot.

713
20:54.620 --> 20:56.350
<v ->My point is he's betraying everything</v>

714
20:56.350 --> 20:58.440
that he's told us to believe forever:

715
20:58.440 --> 21:01.440
That a sense of humor and money can get you anywhere.

716
21:01.440 --> 21:02.810
It doesn't matter what everything else is.

717
21:02.810 --> 21:03.815
<v ->Well, I'll play the role of Portnoy,</v>

718
21:03.815 --> 21:04.747
<v ->And now, next thing you know,</v>

719
21:04.747 --> 21:05.580
he's gonna get a fucking nose job.

720
21:05.580 --> 21:06.950
<v ->He's gonna say, that's what I said, too.</v>

721
21:06.950 --> 21:09.280
It's like, this is almost against the rules of Barstool,

722
21:09.280 --> 21:10.113
<v ->Right!</v>

723
21:10.113 --> 21:11.135
<v ->You can't just change the things we make fun of you for.</v>

724
21:11.135 --> 21:11.968
<v ->Right!</v>

725
21:11.968 --> 21:12.801
<v ->That's not fair.</v>

726
21:12.801 --> 21:14.610
<v ->Right, it's so insecure, it's sad.</v>

727
21:14.610 --> 21:16.597
<v ->But he'll say, "You get the money"</v>

728
21:16.597 --> 21:18.300
"to be able to have things like hair transplants."

729
21:18.300 --> 21:19.133
<v ->I don't care.</v>

730
21:20.310 --> 21:21.143
It's sad.

731
21:21.143 --> 21:23.130
<v ->Also, the doctor who did the surgery,</v>

732
21:23.130 --> 21:25.770
apparently sends out an email blast.

733
21:25.770 --> 21:27.030
<v ->Oh yeah, Dave did free advertising for this.</v>

734
21:27.030 --> 21:30.060
<v ->Saying "Grow Pres, Grow."</v>

735
21:30.060 --> 21:33.640
<v ->Interesting, so we can't do any.</v>

736
21:33.640 --> 21:34.760
<v ->Oh no, he got this for free.</v>

737
21:34.760 --> 21:37.520
<v ->Oh, so yet again</v>

738
21:37.520 --> 21:39.950
the yardstick's moved

739
21:39.950 --> 21:41.650
to a different direction when Dave decides,

740
21:41.650 --> 21:43.640
<v ->Yeah, it says, "Grow, Pres, Grow."</v>

741
21:43.640 --> 21:48.220
and it was Dr (bleep), and here is my list of,

742
21:48.220 --> 21:49.420
<v ->Bleep out the doctor's name,</v>

743
21:49.420 --> 21:50.710
we're not giving him more free advertising.

744
21:50.710 --> 21:52.860
<v ->Wait, he sent out an email?</v>

745
21:52.860 --> 21:54.210
<v ->I think, I mean listen.</v>

746
21:54.210 --> 21:56.500
<v ->He sent an email blast to the Barstool?</v>

747
21:56.500 --> 21:58.463
<v ->Do we think this is real?</v>

748
21:58.463 --> 22:00.260
<v ->It's definitely real.</v>
<v ->Yeah.</v>

749
22:00.260 --> 22:02.810
<v ->I mean, this doctor, whose name I will not be saying.</v>

750
22:02.810 --> 22:04.452
This doctor's famous in New England.

751
22:04.452 --> 22:05.285
<v ->Okay.</v>

752
22:05.285 --> 22:06.261
<v ->He has tons of radio shows.</v>

753
22:06.261 --> 22:07.094
<v ->Still, the point is,</v>

754
22:07.094 --> 22:08.697
<v ->So the headline says, "Grow, Pres, Grow."</v>

755
22:08.697 --> 22:10.697
"David Portnoy from Barstool Sports"

756
22:10.697 --> 22:12.624
"has hair transplant surgery."

757
22:12.624 --> 22:13.862
"David Portnoy"

758
22:13.862 --> 22:14.788
<v ->Wow, how much money does that cost?</v>

759
22:14.788 --> 22:15.917
<v ->"David Portnoy, more commonly known as El Presidente"</v>

760
22:15.917 --> 22:17.547
"by his fans, the founder of blah blah blah,"

761
22:17.547 --> 22:19.247
"recently had a hair transplant procedure"

762
22:19.247 --> 22:21.630
"to grow his trademark surfer hair."

763
22:21.630 --> 22:25.253
And it's like Portnoy grows the long list of people,

764
22:26.660 --> 22:27.493
he goes on and on to mention

765
22:27.493 --> 22:29.441
all the people that got their hair done.

766
22:29.441 --> 22:30.600
<v ->Wow, so free advertising.</v>

767
22:30.600 --> 22:32.210
<v ->How 'bout that?</v>
<v ->for Dave.</v>

768
22:32.210 --> 22:33.260
Interesting.

769
22:33.260 --> 22:34.880
<v ->We were talking about this earlier, too.</v>

770
22:34.880 --> 22:36.480
Where do you think he stayed for this?

771
22:36.480 --> 22:38.930
Because Dave, I'm being dramatic and whiny,

772
22:38.930 --> 22:39.970
and I'll own that.

773
22:39.970 --> 22:42.040
Dave also is the king of that.

774
22:42.040 --> 22:43.860
So he wasn't staying by himself.

775
22:43.860 --> 22:44.880
He needed mommy to take care of him.

776
22:44.880 --> 22:45.713
<v ->No, Frankie was there.</v>

777
22:45.713 --> 22:46.546
<v ->Well he had Frankie for the one night.</v>

778
22:46.546 --> 22:47.470
<v ->Frankie, did he stay with his parents?</v>

779
22:47.470 --> 22:50.683
<v ->Frankie, you gonna come talk, come get your mans.</v>

780
22:52.240 --> 22:53.830
By the way, I mentioned that Frankie,

781
22:53.830 --> 22:55.780
it's fucked up, Dave doesn't talk shit.

782
22:56.910 --> 22:58.140
Dave doesn't actually care about Frankie,

783
22:58.140 --> 22:59.860
because if Dave cared about Frankie,

784
22:59.860 --> 23:02.270
he would've set him up with the little next egg,

785
23:02.270 --> 23:05.330
like a mafia wife if Dave died,

786
23:05.330 --> 23:07.590
so that Frankie could keep living his life

787
23:07.590 --> 23:10.152
that he's accustomed to.

788
23:10.152 --> 23:10.985
<v ->(laughs)</v>

789
23:10.985 --> 23:12.620
<v ->That's fucked up, dude.</v>

790
23:12.620 --> 23:13.515
<v ->It's not fucked up.</v>
<v ->Yeah it is.</v>

791
23:13.515 --> 23:14.620
He's teaching me his ways.

792
23:14.620 --> 23:15.610
<v ->If Dave died tomorrow,</v>

793
23:15.610 --> 23:17.489
you would never go into a nice club again.

794
23:17.489 --> 23:18.540
<v ->You guys hook up that one night?</v>

795
23:18.540 --> 23:19.625
<v ->We did not hook up.</v>

796
23:19.625 --> 23:21.273
<v ->(laughs)</v>
<v ->So what did you do?</v>

797
23:21.273 --> 23:23.430
<v ->I wasn't even there when he got the hair transplant.</v>

798
23:23.430 --> 23:24.870
<v ->Where was he staying?</v>

799
23:24.870 --> 23:25.740
<v ->At a hotel.</v>

800
23:25.740 --> 23:27.743
<v Man>He stayed at a hotel for a hair transplant?</v>

801
23:27.743 --> 23:29.007
<v ->Yeah, so he's all by himself.</v>

802
23:29.007 --> 23:30.690
<v Dan>On the company card.</v>

803
23:30.690 --> 23:31.870
<v Man>On the company card, getting free advertising.</v>

804
23:31.870 --> 23:32.930
<v ->A lot of slanderous things</v>

805
23:32.930 --> 23:34.831
saying about my man right now, that's not good.

806
23:34.831 --> 23:35.664
<v Man>(laughs) My man.</v>

807
23:35.664 --> 23:38.622
<v ->Do you think talking about how he did</v>

808
23:38.622 --> 23:42.347
the free hair transplant to then advertise about it,

809
23:42.347 --> 23:45.520
you think that's slander, or do you think that's facts?

810
23:45.520 --> 23:46.449
<v ->Next question.</v>

811
23:46.449 --> 23:47.360
<v Man>(laughs) Exactly.</v>

812
23:47.360 --> 23:48.623
<v Man>Plead the fifth.</v>

813
23:48.623 --> 23:51.690
<v ->But listen, I mean he's just adding to the mane.</v>

814
23:51.690 --> 23:52.615
Anyone would do this.

815
23:52.615 --> 23:53.516
<v ->Frankie, you don't do this.</v>

816
23:53.516 --> 23:54.349
<v ->I don't know if I would.</v>

817
23:54.349 --> 23:55.182
<v ->Yes, you would!</v>

818
23:55.182 --> 23:56.363
<v ->Frankie, you're such a likable guy, don't do this.</v>

819
23:56.363 --> 23:57.898
<v ->I don't really think I would.</v>

820
23:57.898 --> 24:00.231
(crosstalk)

821
24:01.110 --> 24:02.057
<v ->I'm on the record.</v>

822
24:02.057 --> 24:03.630
<v ->The Dave walks to work picture,</v>

823
24:03.630 --> 24:05.000
I think that changed everything.

824
24:05.000 --> 24:06.090
That was a bad one.

825
24:06.090 --> 24:07.259
It was the lighting.

826
24:07.259 --> 24:08.677
(crosstalk)

827
24:08.677 --> 24:10.210
<v ->That picture went viral.</v>

828
24:10.210 --> 24:11.170
He couldn't get away from that picture,

829
24:11.170 --> 24:12.003
that picture went viral,

830
24:12.003 --> 24:12.977
so anyone would do this.
<v ->That's true.</v>

831
24:12.977 --> 24:15.090
It's just so funny, because we've all,

832
24:15.090 --> 24:17.226
I've taken a lot of bad pictures.

833
24:17.226 --> 24:19.320
Dave did a fucking PhotoShop contest

834
24:19.320 --> 24:20.707
about a bad picture of mine,

835
24:20.707 --> 24:24.525
and he can't handle one little bald spot going viral.

836
24:24.525 --> 24:25.358
<v ->And then you got liposuction?</v>

837
24:25.358 --> 24:26.330
<v ->Yeah, it would be cheating.</v>

838
24:26.330 --> 24:30.210
And Frankie, I don't like you saying I would get that.

839
24:30.210 --> 24:31.540
I'm on the record.

840
24:31.540 --> 24:34.400
I'm not gonna go bald, because I have great genetics.

841
24:34.400 --> 24:35.880
But if I were to go bald,

842
24:35.880 --> 24:38.570
I'd get the funniest fucking toupee ever,

843
24:38.570 --> 24:39.950
and I'd rock the fuck out of it.

844
24:39.950 --> 24:41.320
Like, different color.

845
24:41.320 --> 24:43.990
Sideburns brown, toupee dark black.

846
24:43.990 --> 24:46.110
<v ->Dave's coming in with a man bun in seven months,</v>

847
24:46.110 --> 24:47.263
and he's gonna look electric.

848
24:47.263 --> 24:50.420
<v ->(laughs) Frankie, you're just reading Dave tweets now.</v>

849
24:50.420 --> 24:51.520
Don't do it.

850
24:51.520 --> 24:52.632
<v ->Go Pres, go!</v>

851
24:52.632 --> 24:53.745
(crosstalk)

852
24:53.745 --> 24:55.995
(laughing)

853
24:57.356 --> 24:58.360
<v ->He's brainwashed.</v>

854
24:58.360 --> 24:59.270
<v ->He was a great kid.</v>

855
24:59.270 --> 25:01.210
<v ->He was.</v>

856
25:01.210 --> 25:04.100
<v ->He was a good producer and a great kid, and now he's gone.</v>

857
25:04.100 --> 25:05.330
<v ->Luckily, Hank got away.</v>

858
25:05.330 --> 25:06.920
'Cause that woulda happened to Hank, too.

859
25:06.920 --> 25:08.070
<v ->Yeah, yeah.</v>

860
25:08.070 --> 25:12.800
But I mean, hey, we'll see the spin zone Dave will put on

861
25:12.800 --> 25:16.280
selling free advertising and stuff for his wares.

862
25:16.280 --> 25:17.460
<v ->Hopefully, it will all go terribly wrong,</v>

863
25:17.460 --> 25:18.440
Tobias Funke style.

864
25:18.440 --> 25:21.070
Hopefully his hair will reject his body,

865
25:21.070 --> 25:22.220
he'll get deathly ill,

866
25:22.220 --> 25:25.442
and it won't be good for him or this fucking doctor.

867
25:25.442 --> 25:26.326
<v ->That would be so great.</v>

868
25:26.326 --> 25:27.250
<v ->(laughs)</v>

869
25:27.250 --> 25:28.290
<v ->Fuck that guy.</v>

870
25:28.290 --> 25:29.760
<v ->Goddammit.</v>

871
25:29.760 --> 25:31.075
Can you imagine if he died?

872
25:31.075 --> 25:32.470
<v ->Ugh.</v>

873
25:32.470 --> 25:33.443
<v ->For this.</v>

874
25:33.443 --> 25:35.070
Because you know with Dave's luck,

875
25:35.070 --> 25:37.080
he's gonna die doing something like valiant,

876
25:37.080 --> 25:38.673
and he's gonna be a hero.

877
25:39.740 --> 25:41.584
<v ->Whatever, as long as he's dead, I don't give a shit.</v>

878
25:41.584 --> 25:42.495
<v ->(laughs)</v>

879
25:42.495 --> 25:45.960
<v ->But if he died getting cosmetic surgery</v>

880
25:45.960 --> 25:48.230
'cause he's so insecure? (laughs)

881
25:48.230 --> 25:49.483
<v ->He'd be Joan Rivers,</v>

882
25:50.630 --> 25:53.070
only it worked for Joan Rivers.

883
25:53.070 --> 25:54.620
She shoulda gone out like that.

884
25:55.560 --> 25:57.160
I guess Dave should go out like this, too.

885
25:57.160 --> 25:59.500
Just being narcissistic as fuck.

886
25:59.500 --> 26:01.080
<v ->That would be a fitting way for him to go out.</v>

887
26:01.080 --> 26:02.770
<v ->Yeah, it's just that.</v>

888
26:02.770 --> 26:04.315
<v ->Insecure and narcissistic all at the same time.</v>

889
26:04.315 --> 26:05.320
That's Dave for ya.
<v ->He's getting a nose job.</v>

890
26:05.320 --> 26:06.308
<v ->That's the Rundown.</v>

891
26:06.308 --> 26:07.721
It's brought to you by Dollar Shave Club,

892
26:07.721 --> 26:09.880
dollarshaveclub.com/barstool.

893
26:09.880 --> 26:12.370
You're gonna get one-month trial for any razors

894
26:12.370 --> 26:14.750
for just $1 plus free shipping.

895
26:14.750 --> 26:16.930
After that, just a few bucks a month,

896
26:16.930 --> 26:18.790
you can get 'em every single month, every other month.

897
26:18.790 --> 26:20.820
They have razors, they have shave butter,

898
26:20.820 --> 26:23.730
they have hair products, they have lotions,

899
26:23.730 --> 26:26.240
all this stuff that you need to look good

900
26:26.240 --> 26:27.840
and look fresh as a dude.

901
26:27.840 --> 26:31.300
Go to dollarshaveclub.com/barstool

902
26:31.300 --> 26:34.800
and shout out to Portnoy, hopefully you feel like shit.

903
26:34.800 --> 26:35.720
<v ->Yeah.</v>

904
26:35.720 --> 26:37.140
<v ->Bought a conversion van.</v>

905
26:37.140 --> 26:38.300
<v ->Oh that's right, let's hear</v>

906
26:38.300 --> 26:39.900
about your stupid conversion van.

907
26:39.900 --> 26:42.510
<v ->It's an investment opportunity that Barstool passed on</v>

908
26:42.510 --> 26:44.180
that they're going to very much regret.

909
26:44.180 --> 26:45.330
We went down and said, "Hey,"

910
26:45.330 --> 26:46.200
<v ->You're gonna wet the beak on this one, aren't ya?</v>

911
26:46.200 --> 26:48.110
<v ->We said, "Hey, you wanna buy this conversion van?"</v>

912
26:48.110 --> 26:49.140
They said, "No."

913
26:49.140 --> 26:51.422
Said, "Okay, we'll buy it with our own money."

914
26:51.422 --> 26:52.255
"Then we're gonna sell ads for it."

915
26:52.255 --> 26:53.316
<v ->And what is the exact plan for this?</v>

916
26:53.316 --> 26:56.540
<v ->We're going down to the draft for the NFL draft in Philly.</v>

917
26:56.540 --> 26:57.920
We have a bunch of interviews lined up.

918
26:57.920 --> 26:59.696
We're gonna interview people in it.

919
26:59.696 --> 27:02.420
The van is older than Hank.

920
27:02.420 --> 27:03.880
<v ->Really?</v>

921
27:03.880 --> 27:05.039
<v ->It's a fucking piece of shit, man.</v>

922
27:05.039 --> 27:05.872
<v ->(laughs)</v>

923
27:05.872 --> 27:07.170
<v ->Two keys. One to start the engine,</v>

924
27:07.170 --> 27:09.010
one to start the steering wheel.

925
27:09.010 --> 27:09.870
It's fucking wild man.

926
27:09.870 --> 27:11.110
<v ->Start the steering wheel?</v>

927
27:11.110 --> 27:12.300
<v ->Can't open either door.</v>

928
27:12.300 --> 27:14.260
One of the windows doesn't work, it's.

929
27:14.260 --> 27:15.830
<v ->You can't open either door?</v>

930
27:15.830 --> 27:16.663
<v ->You can,</v>

931
27:16.663 --> 27:17.900
<v ->How does a door even get broken?</v>

932
27:17.900 --> 27:18.733
<v ->How do you get in?</v>

933
27:18.733 --> 27:20.071
<v ->There's actually a pair of pliers on my door,</v>

934
27:20.071 --> 27:21.700
<v ->You have to go in through the back?</v>

935
27:21.700 --> 27:23.050
<v ->not a handle.</v>

936
27:23.050 --> 27:24.180
No you go out the side.

937
27:24.180 --> 27:25.260
<v ->That's awesome.</v>

938
27:25.260 --> 27:27.430
<v ->It's fucking cool, man.</v>

939
27:27.430 --> 27:29.200
<v ->And then after the draft, you'll drive it,</v>

940
27:29.200 --> 27:32.490
<v ->If it survives for Grit Week, it's gonna be Grit Week's.</v>

941
27:32.490 --> 27:34.310
<v ->You've cut the RV.</v>

942
27:34.310 --> 27:35.150
You're not gonna do the RV any more,

943
27:35.150 --> 27:36.550
you have the conversion van.

944
27:39.031 --> 27:40.000
<v ->I like the van.</v>

945
27:40.000 --> 27:41.120
<v ->You like the big rig.</v>

946
27:41.120 --> 27:44.110
<v ->No the van's, you have flexibility with the van.</v>

947
27:44.110 --> 27:45.290
<v Man>So you're out on rig life?</v>

948
27:45.290 --> 27:47.030
<v ->No, I'm definitely still in on rig life,</v>

949
27:47.030 --> 27:50.370
but we don't need the rig to go to Philly for the draft

950
27:50.370 --> 27:53.400
and be stuck in downtown.

951
27:53.400 --> 27:54.450
Driving the RV does suck

952
27:54.450 --> 27:55.740
when you're in the middle of a city.

953
27:55.740 --> 27:57.300
<v ->Right. So this is your more mobile RV.</v>

954
27:57.300 --> 27:58.133
<v ->Yeah, right.</v>

955
27:59.220 --> 28:04.220
Maybe we tow the van with the RV for Grit Week,

956
28:04.333 --> 28:05.166
and that should be great.

957
28:05.166 --> 28:05.999
(laughing)