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(intro music)

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<v ->Gee Dave what do you want to do today?</v>

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<v ->The same thing we do everyday, Frankie, try</v>

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to take over the internet world.

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♪ It's Frankie and the Brain ♪

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♪ It's Frankie and the Brain ♪

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♪ one of them makes pizza ♪

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♪ the other is a Brain ♪

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<v ->We can't lose a step for even one second or</v>

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we could miss a video of a guy in India getting

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his dick mauled off by a tiger.

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Oh, shit!

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Actually what time is it?

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We have an appointment to get hair plugs at

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two thirty, so maybe we do the world take over

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thing after.

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I'm having my guy hook me up with some absolute

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Mount Saint Helen's hair.

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Off to china town we go.

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(chop sticks)

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<v ->Hi, yeah, my name is Dave Portnoy, checking in</v>

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for my appointment.

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I want the most asian shit you got that will make

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my hair grow and shit.

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Two girls one cup, stick heels in my ass, or

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whatever.

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Just want to make sure I got that Kim Jong-Un

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type lettuce.

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<v ->Ay yes, one bite, the doctor will see you now</v>

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<v ->Wow, I got to say Seth, it's pretty ironic you</v>

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are a hair plug doctor now, you know with that

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whole weird hair cut thing.

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<v ->Yeah, I didn't forget.</v>

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<v ->Ha Ha Ha, what an idiot, what a fucking idiot</v>

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weird hair cut Seth, You're a bum.

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<v ->Thanks, just sit still and relax, we are going</v>

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to patch you up nice.

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(upbeat music)

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Alright, that about wraps it up.

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Just remember, to water it every fifteen minutes

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and take these twice a day.

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<v ->Wow, thanks so much, your hair looks great by</v>

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the way, definitely not weird at all and totally

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normal.

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<v ->Thanks Dave, how is the t-shirt business doing?</v>

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<v ->It's been a little slow, but once the seasons</v>

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change from winter to Darty season it's going to

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go to the moon.

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I'm not 100% sure if you can Darty on the moon

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with the whole time continuum thing, but we can

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hash that out later.

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We just gave out some Darty shirts to some former

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NFL athletes hopefully they use them.

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Thanks again and take care.

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Donnie, what are you doing here?

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<v ->Fucking shit, pres. I come here like every</v>

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week.

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Doc mixes me up this ancient chinese recipe.

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That puts a nice set of sideburns on the nut sack,

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you know, fuck the ducks.

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<v ->What?</v>

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No.

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That's just a fanta.

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<v ->Oh, got it.</v>

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I haven't had a chance to check out my hair yet.

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Will you look and tell me how it is?

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♪ Whoa, whoa that's weird ♪

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♪ Really fucking weird ♪

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♪ Holy fucking shit ♪

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<v ->Oh my god, is that Dave Portnoy?</v>

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Can I get a picture pres. Huge fan

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<v ->Yes, of course.</v>

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<v ->Love the side pres. Can I get a pic too?</v>

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Thanks, man.

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<v ->Yep. No problem.</v>

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<v ->Wow, el presidente, can I get a picture man?</v>

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Huge stoolie

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<v ->Hey pres, can I get a picture too?</v>

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<v ->Are you a fucking organism?</v>

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<v ->Yep, big time stoolie, go pres go.</v>

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<v ->Donnie, you gotta help me out, I am getting</v>

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wild big time cuckolded out here.

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Do you have anything that could help me increase

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my length?

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<v ->Yeah, take one of these and you will be</v>

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carrying around a fucking vanilla bean fudgecicle.

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<v ->No, no, I don't mean that kind of, actually, fuck it.</v>

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(up beat music)