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<v ->Alright, it is live, it is Tuesday, is it April 25th,</v>

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it is The Rundown, it is brought to you by MVMT Watches.

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At a department store you'd pay close to 500.

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These watches redefine the industry, they look great,

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I think everyone here at Barstool has 'em, basically,

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when we're wearing watches to go out.

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<v ->They got shades now too, they got nice sunglasses, yep.</v>

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Oh yeah.
<v ->They sent you those?</v>

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<v ->They're on the way.</v>
<v ->Ooh, hm, very interesting.</v>

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Now when am I gettin' the pair?

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I'm always in the sunglass game.

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So MVMT Watches, again, 15% off,

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free shipping, free returns.

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I guess they got glasses too, I'd like to know that,

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I woulda to known that, are they the same deal?

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<v ->I actually didn't look into it, yeah.</v>

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I'm sure it'll be the same thing,

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high-quality at a affordable price.

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<v ->Wow, what a pitch.</v>

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So MVMT Watches, do it, buy it, click on the link.

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Into the Rundown today.

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We have Nate fillin' in for Big Cat

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who generally gets filled in by Rigs,

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who generally gets filled in by Trent, so welcome Nate.

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<v ->Thank you.</v>

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<v ->Let's start with our boy Logan Couture,</v>

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is that how they say it in the hockey world?

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Just what was that, selfie, who took that picture?

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<v ->I think he took it.</v>
<v ->He took it,</v>

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just a face full of garbage, basically.

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Teeth missin' everywhere.
<v ->Face full of garbage,</v>

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it's fucked up.

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<v ->I saw in the playoffs.</v>

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So he broke his teeth, he took a puck off the face,

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and then he tried to play with a cage

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and then he couldn't do that, the mask, so he took it off.

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Here's my thing on this.

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First of all, another year, another year with Couture

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not winnin' the cup, another year that I gotta wait

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to cash in on my bet.

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For those who don't know,

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probably like five years ago we bet

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on a meaningless Red Sox, Blue Jays regular season series,

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and if I won I would get to spend the day with 'em

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when he finally gets a cup.

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I'm beginning to think that day will never come, whatever.

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Instead he's got a messed up face, no teeth.

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That's not the point of this blog, this Rundown, this topic.

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Hockey, guys, now I like Logan, nice enough guy,

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he's been in here watchin' the games with us.

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Why don't they wear masks, why don't they wear cages,

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why don't they wear the full?

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I get hockey players are tough,

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nobody loves sayin' hockey players are tough

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more than hockey players, hockey fans are spittin' Chiclets,

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crowd and they're like this is great,

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he's spittin' Chiclets.

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Spittin' Chiclets is actually like yeah, hockey,

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look at him, he lost all his teeth.

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<v ->It's like a badge of honor, yeah.</v>

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<v ->These guys are the stupidest people in the world.</v>

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You can wear a full clear mask or a cage

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which you wear growing up and you keep your fucking teeth.

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It's so stupid, I know they want to be badge of honor,

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there's no glory in getting shot in combat.

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<v ->Shout out to Chaps.</v>
<v ->Chaps, go below the window.</v>

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Don't go above the window.

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There is no glory in it, I don't care what anybody says.

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And I bet it's peer-pressure.

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<v ->Yeah, I think it's definitely--</v>

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<v ->If I was in the NHL, full cage.</v>

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You wanna fight me, cage is on, punch me in the cage.

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<v ->You have the wear the visor now,</v>

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like the kids comin' up they have to wear a visor,

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but you don't have to wear the full cage.

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<v ->Yeah I know, but the visor doesn't protect your teeth.</v>

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<v ->I'm with you, I would rather keep my teeth</v>

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but I'm tryin' to think of a situation,

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like to put it in baseball terms

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or somethin' you would relate to more where it's like,

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if you play your whole life a certain way

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and then you have to wear a--

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<v ->But they don't, they don't,</v>

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in college they wear the full cage.

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<v ->It'd be like wearin' one of those big helmets in the field</v>

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like in baseball, you can do it you just look stupid.

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<v ->Those guys wear it after they got fucking brain damage.</v>

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<v ->Right, so it's the same kinda thing.</v>

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You can do it it's just why would you do it?

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<v ->So eventually I feel like Major League Baseball</v>

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will probably make everybody wear those.

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<v ->I don't think so.</v>
<v ->The huge helmets?</v>

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<v ->Yeah, I think eventually they'll make people,</v>

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if there's enough injuries or things that happen.

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And as a baseball guy, if you were just used to wearin'

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your cap in the field or you're wearin' a normal helmet--

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<v ->But these guys do grow up wearin' like--</v>

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<v ->The full cage.</v>
<v ->Yeah.</v>

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<v ->Also you can't see as well</v>

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when you have the full cage around you,

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you're lookin' through the little bars.

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<v ->Wrong, that's totally, totally, totally, totally--</v>

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<v ->He is a hockey guy, he plays in a roller hockey league.</v>

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<v ->Thank you Kevin, thank you.</v>

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<v ->That's just not true, is Feitelberg here?</v>

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<v ->I think so.</v>

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<v ->He's got the headphones in, what's happenin'?</v>

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<v ->He's not here?</v>
<v ->He's not here.</v>

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<v ->I think he's in the bathroom,</v>

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I think I just saw him walk by.

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Why Fee, he's a hockey guy, cage or no cage?

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<v ->Well cage or no cage, you can absolutely see</v>

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as good as you can see.

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<v ->You can see a little bit less</v>

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but not enough to discern gettin' your face mashed

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every single time, he's right.

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<v ->You can see the ice, it's more freeing.</v>

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<v ->It's a soft, the only reason people don't</v>

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because it's soft and you're like a pussy if you wear it.

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<v ->Yeah, right, but when did this start?</v>

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At what point will these guys be like I'd rather not take

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a fucking puck in the face.

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And by the way, is Couture, he's sitting there

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like look at me, I'm so tough, I'm such a hardo,

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look at my face, I look like an asshole.

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At any level is he like damn, I wish I was wearin' a cage.

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<v ->He gets new teeth now, so does it really matter?</v>

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<v ->Well it matters, it's just you'd rather not.</v>

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That didn't look comfortable.

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<v ->You have to say that you like that,</v>

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they're like oh, part of being the game.

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<v ->It's crazy.</v>
<v ->That's so stupid.</v>

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<v ->As the preeminent voice of hockey,</v>

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as the chief Barstool I'm tellin' these guys, go cage.

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You're not proving anything,

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your balls aren't bigger because you got your face mashed in

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with a puck, this is one of my things,

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this is one of my tangents, wear the fucking cage.

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And I could understand maybe on the NHL side for a second,

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if it's like we wants guys to see their faces,

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but you can wear the clear, can't you?

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<v ->Yeah, the visor, but--</v>

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<v ->Nate, you keep saying the visor.</v>

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<v ->You're saying a full thing?</v>

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<v ->A fishbowl, like a mask.</v>
<v ->Oh, that's so ugly though.</v>

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Yeah, I guess you could theoretically, yeah.

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<v ->Alright, they wear it in college.</v>

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<v ->Yeah, you can, yeah.</v>

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I don't know, does anybody in the NHL

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even wear that right now?

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<v ->You can't, unless you're hurt you're not allowed to.</v>

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<v ->Oh I didn't even know that.</v>

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<v ->That's really weird, it's not even allowed?</v>

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If you wanted to just be like I want to protect my face

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right now, they'd say no?
<v ->Yeah, you can't.</v>

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The argument is that if you're hitting with the cage on,

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if I hit you and you don't have anything

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it'll fuck your face up and I'm not afraid

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of gettin' hit in the face.
<v ->It is so stupid.</v>

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Alright, that's just my rant.

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<v ->That actually kinda makes sense though.</v>

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It should just be uniform.

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<v ->If I was the player I'd be like let's all get together</v>

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and say we're wearing full masks

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because we like our faces--

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<v ->Yeah but then you'd be a pussy, bro, you'd be a pussy.</v>

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<v ->They just switch to helmets like 20 years ago.</v>

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<v ->I mean yeah, 20 years ago is just, I know.</v>

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Wasn't McCavish the last guy

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to skate around without a helmet?

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Dirty jeans, I was hopin' Feidelberg was actually,

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I don't know where he ducked out to.

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So I guess Nordstrom's, I think it's Nordstrom's,

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is selling pre-muddied jeans for 400-and-somethin' dollars.

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<v ->425.</v>
<v ->425, comes pre-muddy.</v>

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So it looks like you just been workin' a dirty job,

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looks like you been in the mud,

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who has 'em first on our side, Louis or Feitelberg?

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That's gonna be a race to the department store.

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<v ->I asked Feitelberg so I can give his take for him.</v>

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I said are you gonna get these stupid fuckin' jeans?

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And his response was I hope I don't have to.

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But if those become hot in the streets,

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he was like I'm a slave to the game,

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I will have to buy them.

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Which, that level of commitment to the dumb fashion game,

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I have to tip my cap to.

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<v ->That's gotta be a sneaky-huge rivalry,</v>

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Louis and Feitelberg?
<v ->They go together.</v>

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Yeah, they do shopping trips.

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<v ->Right, and they will help each other out</v>

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with their outfits and stuff, it's a symbiotic thing.

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<v Dave>That's pretty gross,</v>

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what do you think of the dirty jeans?

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<v ->As a guy who owns two pairs of pants</v>

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I don't really know much to say about pre-muddied jeans.

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<v Dave>You literally have two pairs of pants?</v>

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<v ->I have the brown ones which are my keynote pants,</v>

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and then I have the blue ones that I rotate in.

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<v ->What are keynote pants, those are big game,</v>

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like when you have important shit?

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<v ->Yeah, this is my standard, like you see--</v>

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<v ->Oh, keynote shouldn't be it, keynote should be like--</v>

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<v ->The big game pants.</v>
<v ->Oh, okay I fucked that up.</v>

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No, so the blue ones are my big game,

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like go out on weekends, and the brown ones

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are you wear those Monday to Friday in the office,

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and literally Monday to Friday.

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<v ->The blue ones are the same thing like that but blue?</v>

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<v ->No, they're a little different material,</v>

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but they're pants to me, so.
<v ->Keynote pants.</v>

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<v ->I'm looking for a third pair</v>

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and I don't think they're gonna be the muddies.

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<v ->Feitelberg just came out of the bathroom.</v>

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<v Feitelberg>Dude, I was fuckin' walkin in there</v>

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and I was like I'm gonna get caught shittin' today,

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like I can just feel it.

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<v ->It was long enough, it was long enough</v>

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that we knew you were shittin' too.

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<v ->These muddy jeans, you in or out?</v>

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<v ->I'm out unless they become hot,</v>

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in which case I'd become in.

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<v ->That's what he said, also he answered this too,</v>

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I asked whether you and Louis are like rivals

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with who can one-up each other with your look,

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he said you guys are like teammates, that you shop together

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and pick out outfits together.

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By the way, any time you start sayin'

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pickin' out outfits together

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it's like you're goin' down a dangerous path

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in terms of being a man.

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<v ->Those ones weren't my words,</v>

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I wouldn't say we'd pick out outfits together.

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We went shopping on a Saturday once,

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it was a little Saturday with the boys.

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<v ->Would you say you consult each other?</v>

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<v ->Yeah, yes.</v>
<v ->That's picking out outfits.</v>

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That's picking out outfits.

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<v ->Only for big occasions, like for a Saturday.</v>

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Lou had to go to some Saturday gala with Glenny,

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he's like is this jacket hot?

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Yeah, it's a hot jacket.

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<v ->How many pairs of pants do you own?</v>

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<v ->Wait, no no, even better, how many do you think</v>

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Nate owns, how many pairs of pants?

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<v ->Oh I know 'cause he just complained to me that he has two</v>

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and he wants me, Nate wants to consult me for outfits,

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then he wants to give me a budget to shop for him.

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<v ->Just for the record those are his keynote pants,</v>

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he described those as keynote.

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<v ->Like you see me in the brown pants</v>

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you know it's a work day, you see me in the blue ones

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you know oh, maybe he's going to dinner.

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<v ->They look like doo-doo.</v>
<v ->Like what?</v>

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Oh I'm going brown on brown today.

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I noticed it on the subway and I was like eh.

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<v ->How do you notice somethin' like that on a subway?</v>

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Like you don't look at a mirror

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before you walk out of the house?

262
10:02.754 --> 10:04.730
<v ->Oh, do I look in the mirror on the way out?</v>

263
10:04.730 --> 10:06.090
<v ->You knew that walkin' out of the door,</v>

264
10:06.090 --> 10:07.510
you were like I'm gonna be brown-on-brown today.

265
10:07.510 --> 10:11.833
<v ->And by the way, those shoes are like murky green.</v>

266
10:13.860 --> 10:16.930
<v ->He put those on, I had 'em under my desk for a while.</v>

267
10:16.930 --> 10:20.090
He one day came over, he's like I have a confession to make.

268
10:20.090 --> 10:21.698
This weekend I wore your shoes

269
10:21.698 --> 10:23.700
then put 'em back in the box so you wouldn't know.

270
10:23.700 --> 10:26.902
And I was like alright, that's cool.

271
10:26.902 --> 10:30.070
And then he walks away, he comes back

272
10:30.070 --> 10:31.593
and goes so can I have them?

273
10:32.930 --> 10:35.160
<v ->What do you mean you wore his shoes?</v>

274
10:35.160 --> 10:36.320
<v ->What size foot do you have?</v>

275
10:36.320 --> 10:39.202
<v ->Nate, that is such a fuckin' wild move.</v>

276
10:39.202 --> 10:40.380
<v ->Didn't you take somebody else's shoes too?</v>

277
10:40.380 --> 10:42.260
No, someone gave you those gross shoes.

278
10:42.260 --> 10:45.810
<v ->Kayla gave me shoes 'cause he said they were too ugly,</v>

279
10:45.810 --> 10:46.643
yeah they were too ugly.

280
10:46.643 --> 10:49.010
But no, I wore rain boots to the office

281
10:49.010 --> 10:51.594
and then it stopped raining, and then it stopped raining--

282
10:51.594 --> 10:53.430
<v ->How do you have rain boots and only two pair of pants?</v>

283
10:53.430 --> 10:54.730
<v ->I didn't have any shoes here</v>

284
10:54.730 --> 10:56.290
and I went out straight from the office,

285
10:56.290 --> 10:57.600
so I needed normal shoes to wear

286
10:57.600 --> 10:59.980
'cause I didn't wanna clunk around in rain boots,

287
10:59.980 --> 11:02.940
so I saw he had a pair of New Balances under his desk,

288
11:02.940 --> 11:04.850
and they fit me well so I wore them.

289
11:04.850 --> 11:06.450
And then I came back the next day

290
11:06.450 --> 11:07.960
and I put them back in the box.

291
11:07.960 --> 11:10.010
And then I was like oh, I kinda wanna keep them now

292
11:10.010 --> 11:12.240
'cause he's not gonna wear them and so I kept them,

293
11:12.240 --> 11:14.547
or I asked him.
<v ->I don't hate it.</v>

294
11:14.547 --> 11:16.240
<v ->We have so many pairs of shoes floatin' around.</v>

295
11:16.240 --> 11:18.030
<v ->I didn't notice the rain boots,</v>

296
11:18.030 --> 11:19.524
I woulda loved to seen your rain boots.

297
11:19.524 --> 11:22.660
<v ->I wanna see the rain boots with the big game pants,</v>

298
11:22.660 --> 11:25.300
I wanna see Nate at his finest, his keynote pants.

299
11:25.300 --> 11:26.650
<v ->My keynote pants, please.</v>

300
11:26.650 --> 11:30.560
<v ->We got a 101 year old lady running a 100 yard dash.</v>

301
11:30.560 --> 11:31.730
<v ->Fuck her.</v>
<v ->Yeah I'm with you on that.</v>

302
11:31.730 --> 11:34.570
<v ->She won because she was the only one in the race.</v>

303
11:34.570 --> 11:37.960
<v ->I don't think I've ever hated somebody more than this.</v>

304
11:37.960 --> 11:39.133
<v ->I'd fuck her, but.</v>

305
11:40.191 --> 11:43.110
(stifled laughter)

306
11:43.110 --> 11:43.943
Go on, sorry.

307
11:45.280 --> 11:47.610
<v ->You're such a spider monkey, I love it Nate.</v>

308
11:47.610 --> 11:49.670
That was so out of left field,

309
11:49.670 --> 11:53.800
but so sneaky-perfect for the Nate Dog.

310
11:53.800 --> 11:55.340
<v ->I mean do we even do the rest of the topic here</v>

311
11:55.340 --> 11:56.173
or do we just leave it at that?

312
11:56.173 --> 11:58.670
<v ->No let's just move on, he'd fuck her.</v>

313
11:58.670 --> 12:01.540
Nate's on the record as fucking this 101 year old lady.

314
12:01.540 --> 12:02.960
<v ->It's just hot.</v>

315
12:02.960 --> 12:05.190
<v ->And sticking now, you kinda segued into this thing,</v>

316
12:05.190 --> 12:08.710
this blowjob doll that is obviously Japanese.

317
12:08.710 --> 12:11.030
They watched a YouTube video, it's fuckin' wild.

318
12:11.030 --> 12:13.930
They spend half the time talkin' about how if you dress her

319
12:13.930 --> 12:16.300
in certain clothes you'll think she's a real human

320
12:16.300 --> 12:17.460
and all this and that.

321
12:17.460 --> 12:18.530
<v Narrator>Hiding in plain sight,</v>

322
12:18.530 --> 12:21.260
disguised as a cushion and model robot warrior,

323
12:21.260 --> 12:23.480
it's designed to be assembled in seconds.

324
12:23.480 --> 12:26.140
All it takes is a folded blanket over the body,

325
12:26.140 --> 12:28.580
along with an outer clothing garment of your choice

326
12:28.580 --> 12:30.570
to create a model so realistic

327
12:30.570 --> 12:33.180
it will feel like another human in the room with you.

328
12:33.180 --> 12:38.107
<v ->Nate, you're probably the most likely candidate for this.</v>

329
12:38.107 --> 12:39.819
<v ->To buy a blowjob doll?</v>
<v ->Yeah.</v>

330
12:39.819 --> 12:41.560
<v ->No I wouldn't buy a blowjob doll.</v>

331
12:41.560 --> 12:43.270
<v Kevin>If it was given to you would you?</v>

332
12:43.270 --> 12:46.260
<v ->If you saw it under somebody's desk would you borrow it?</v>

333
12:46.260 --> 12:47.910
<v ->If it was under Feit's desk?</v>

334
12:47.910 --> 12:50.460
I think we're entering into a close time

335
12:50.460 --> 12:54.870
where it'll become more normal to have blowjob-type dolls.

336
12:54.870 --> 12:58.960
It's more like kinda like we're livin' in the future now,

337
12:58.960 --> 13:01.610
where it's becoming acceptable to own a blowjob doll,

338
13:01.610 --> 13:02.443
so it won't be such a--

339
13:02.443 --> 13:04.731
<v ->Sounds like a guy who would buy a blowjob doll</v>

340
13:04.731 --> 13:06.106
the way that you're talking about this.

341
13:06.106 --> 13:07.068
Like no I'd never do it,

342
13:07.068 --> 13:08.307
but it's becoming really acceptable.

343
13:08.307 --> 13:09.280
<v ->Like the episode of Black Mirror</v>

344
13:09.280 --> 13:12.220
when she buys her dead husband in doll form,

345
13:12.220 --> 13:14.923
it's kinda like that, that's all comin' in the future.

346
13:15.800 --> 13:17.380
<v ->Why won't you buy it?</v>

347
13:17.380 --> 13:20.830
<v ->I still find it kinda weird right now to have one.</v>

348
13:20.830 --> 13:24.550
<v ->One day long from now there will be no stigma about this,</v>

349
13:24.550 --> 13:25.616
right now there's still too much stigma.

350
13:25.616 --> 13:27.700
<v ->You don't seem like a stigma guy to me.</v>

351
13:27.700 --> 13:29.318
<v ->I think everybody's a stigma guy.</v>

352
13:29.318 --> 13:34.318
<v ->You vacillate between a stigma guy into the weird--</v>

353
13:34.770 --> 13:35.610
<v ->Spider monkey and Eric.</v>

354
13:35.610 --> 13:37.920
<v ->You're wearing other people's shoes around the office</v>

355
13:37.920 --> 13:39.390
and putting them back in boxes, that's,

356
13:39.390 --> 13:41.080
by the way that's a stigma,

357
13:41.080 --> 13:43.040
like you shouldn't wear other people's shoes

358
13:43.040 --> 13:44.130
and put them 'em back in the box

359
13:44.130 --> 13:45.377
and not tell the other person you did.

360
13:45.377 --> 13:48.520
<v ->But also I knew John would never wear them, so.</v>

361
13:48.520 --> 13:50.930
<v ->Yeah, well I mean whatever.</v>
<v ->Friends helping friends.</v>

362
13:50.930 --> 13:53.030
<v ->My thing about the blowjob doll</v>

363
13:53.030 --> 13:55.300
is they made it sound like so much

364
13:55.300 --> 13:58.910
like putting clothes on her and you can go,

365
13:58.910 --> 14:02.700
by the way the commentary, you can go to a punishing speed,

366
14:02.700 --> 14:04.860
like 100, it's like relax.

367
14:04.860 --> 14:08.520
But if you're gonna have to use that much imagination

368
14:08.520 --> 14:09.470
then what's the difference

369
14:09.470 --> 14:12.363
between just a good ol' fashioned jerk-off really?

370
14:13.320 --> 14:17.220
<v ->I'm assuming that the headpiece feels better</v>

371
14:17.220 --> 14:20.526
than the jerking off, that's what I'm assuming.

372
14:20.526 --> 14:22.607
If that's not the case yes, it's better to just crack off.

373
14:22.607 --> 14:26.060
<v ->I wrote a blog about Tenga back like, again,</v>

374
14:26.060 --> 14:28.430
I think when I was doing this myself.

375
14:28.430 --> 14:29.800
That was an auto-blow thing

376
14:29.800 --> 14:31.380
that I used to get those all the time and try them--

377
14:31.380 --> 14:33.990
<v ->I would imagine the technology has advanced.</v>

378
14:33.990 --> 14:35.858
<v ->That's a little too advanced.</v>

379
14:35.858 --> 14:39.190
<v ->It was a heavy stainless steel fucking robot.</v>

380
14:39.190 --> 14:41.330
<v ->My point is why do you even have to dress the thing up?</v>

381
14:41.330 --> 14:42.163
You're gonna close your eyes.

382
14:42.163 --> 14:43.550
<v ->I was gonna say, that's my thing,</v>

383
14:43.550 --> 14:45.520
the put the hair in the ponytail,

384
14:45.520 --> 14:46.867
and put the winter coat on it,

385
14:46.867 --> 14:48.512
and the blankets on it, just close your eyes

386
14:48.512 --> 14:50.803
and let the robot blow you.
<v ->Extreme.</v>

387
14:52.123 --> 14:53.360
<v Nate>That's good advice.</v>

388
14:53.360 --> 14:54.820
<v ->Balls blender chick?</v>

389
14:54.820 --> 14:57.600
She's goin' nuts on viral right now.

390
14:57.600 --> 14:59.280
So it's a girl.
<v ->Going nuts.</v>

391
14:59.280 --> 15:01.000
<v ->I had to read this for a little bit.</v>

392
15:01.000 --> 15:05.120
So I guess she uses, no pun intended, but intended, yeah.

393
15:05.120 --> 15:06.670
So she used her boyfriend's nuts,

394
15:06.670 --> 15:09.344
is a blender a thing for girls?

395
15:09.344 --> 15:13.380
To put makeup on her face, she just used the dude's balls.

396
15:13.380 --> 15:14.620
And people are goin' viral.

397
15:14.620 --> 15:15.810
Some people saying it's great

398
15:15.810 --> 15:17.750
because you're so comfortable with your boyfriend,

399
15:17.750 --> 15:20.120
other people are like, I guess.

400
15:20.120 --> 15:23.510
I guess I don't know what, I mean you wanna become a slut,

401
15:23.510 --> 15:26.683
that's fine, do they have sex after this you think?

402
15:28.860 --> 15:30.690
<v ->Like right there, no.</v>

403
15:30.690 --> 15:33.040
She puts on their makeup and they go to dinner.

404
15:34.100 --> 15:36.420
<v ->I feel like once the nuts are on your face</v>

405
15:36.420 --> 15:39.438
it's probably gonna go down, that would be my assumption.

406
15:39.438 --> 15:40.271
You think they're gonna go to dinner?

407
15:40.271 --> 15:41.280
<v ->Yeah, I think they're just going to dinner,</v>

408
15:41.280 --> 15:42.620
it's like a bit they do together,

409
15:42.620 --> 15:44.140
and then one time she filmed it

410
15:44.140 --> 15:46.700
and they didn't expect anything to come out of it.

411
15:46.700 --> 15:48.690
Like literally I think that's a normal thing

412
15:48.690 --> 15:50.790
that they do based on how I read it.

413
15:50.790 --> 15:53.160
And then now it's blowing up,

414
15:53.160 --> 15:55.723
but they don't do that as foreplay.

415
15:55.723 --> 15:57.410
<v ->You think they do that--</v>
<v ->As a bit.</v>

416
15:57.410 --> 15:59.130
They do it as a funny bit between the two of them.

417
15:59.130 --> 16:00.870
<v ->A poll.</v>
<v ->What?</v>

418
16:00.870 --> 16:02.270
<v Male Voice>They did a poll, she did a poll.</v>

419
16:02.270 --> 16:07.270
<v ->Yeah, she was like, do you dare me kind of poll,</v>

420
16:07.750 --> 16:09.523
yes poll no, so I don't--

421
16:09.523 --> 16:11.439
<v Female Voice>She posted it on her Instagram.</v>

422
16:11.439 --> 16:14.127
<v ->She posted it on her Instagram, yeah.</v>

423
16:14.127 --> 16:17.830
I tend to agree with Kevin, I'd like to think

424
16:17.830 --> 16:20.260
any time balls are touchin' a chick's face

425
16:20.260 --> 16:23.230
intercourse is happening pretty soon after.

426
16:23.230 --> 16:26.077
<v ->You'd hope, 'cause otherwise that's a weird couple man.</v>

427
16:26.077 --> 16:28.580
<v ->Clearly, yes they're fucking weird.</v>

428
16:28.580 --> 16:30.540
<v ->I don't like when you're that comfortable too,</v>

429
16:30.540 --> 16:32.810
like let's make a funny video with my balls in your face

430
16:32.810 --> 16:34.690
unless there is like we're gonna fuck.

431
16:34.690 --> 16:38.054
If you are doin' this just for fun I think you're really--

432
16:38.054 --> 16:39.090
<v ->She was spreading makeup on her face</v>

433
16:39.090 --> 16:42.350
with his balls though, they were doin' it as a gag.

434
16:42.350 --> 16:43.790
They weren't doin' it to turn each other on.

435
16:43.790 --> 16:45.550
<v ->I hate that, when you're like buddies</v>

436
16:45.550 --> 16:46.840
with the person you're dating, fuck outta here.

437
16:46.840 --> 16:47.920
<v ->But it's not really buddies</v>

438
16:47.920 --> 16:50.300
when it's like their balls are in your face.

439
16:50.300 --> 16:52.040
<v ->But you're laughin' and goofin' around,</v>

440
16:52.040 --> 16:53.170
let's make a funny video together

441
16:53.170 --> 16:54.559
with your balls in my face.

442
16:54.559 --> 16:57.070
<v ->But it doesn't change the fundamental scientific fact.</v>

443
16:57.070 --> 17:00.110
Your balls on face.
<v ->I think stuff has changed</v>

444
17:00.110 --> 17:04.350
with this day and age, like balls on face, yeah,

445
17:04.350 --> 17:06.210
balls on face doesn't mean bangin'

446
17:06.210 --> 17:08.270
right on the spot anymore.

447
17:08.270 --> 17:11.000
It means a little Olive Garden and a movie.

448
17:11.000 --> 17:12.120
<v ->Sex facts from Nate.</v>

449
17:12.120 --> 17:14.280
<v ->That is the most wild generalization</v>

450
17:14.280 --> 17:15.270
you've ever thrown out,

451
17:15.270 --> 17:17.100
balls on face doesn't mean sex anymore.

452
17:17.100 --> 17:19.700
<v ->I think it absolutely means sex.</v>

453
17:19.700 --> 17:21.370
<v ->In your day yeah, not anymore.</v>

454
17:21.370 --> 17:24.783
The kids, these kids these days, they will put balls,

455
17:24.783 --> 17:26.450
like you can put balls on face

456
17:26.450 --> 17:28.740
and then just go along with your day,

457
17:28.740 --> 17:30.040
it doesn't mean anything anymore.

458
17:30.040 --> 17:32.930
<v ->Okay, Nate, a convincing fact.</v>

459
17:32.930 --> 17:36.350
Last one 'cause I knew we had a couple ball blender stories

460
17:36.350 --> 17:38.550
and the blowjob story and then you even turned

461
17:38.550 --> 17:42.520
the 101 year old lady into a sex story somehow Nate,

462
17:42.520 --> 17:43.790
but this is just a feel-good story.

463
17:43.790 --> 17:46.060
The dog who doesn't recognize his owner,

464
17:46.060 --> 17:47.700
who's been in the hospital for like five months,

465
17:47.700 --> 17:49.900
lost a ton of weight, and the dog's freakin' out,

466
17:49.900 --> 17:52.560
doesn't know who it is and then the dog gets a sniff

467
17:52.560 --> 17:54.840
of the owner and goes bananas.

468
17:54.840 --> 17:56.703
<v Female Voice>Come on Willy.</v>

469
17:56.703 --> 17:57.536
<v Female Voice>He's scared of ya.</v>

470
17:57.536 --> 18:00.533
<v ->Mmhm, he doesn't know who I am, come here Will.</v>

471
18:01.737 --> 18:03.197
<v Female Voice>You've lost weight Cain.</v>

472
18:03.197 --> 18:05.963
<v Male Voice>Yep, he's like who is that?</v>

473
18:05.963 --> 18:08.630
Oh let him smell ya, he'll know.

474
18:09.690 --> 18:11.657
<v ->Were you wondering if it was me?</v>

475
18:11.657 --> 18:13.287
<v Female Voice>There you go.</v>

476
18:13.287 --> 18:15.692
(cheerful laughter)

477
18:15.692 --> 18:17.519
<v Female Voice>He's like where you been daddy,</v>

478
18:17.519 --> 18:19.160
where you been?

479
18:19.160 --> 18:21.020
<v ->I actually heard you watch it Kevin</v>

480
18:21.020 --> 18:23.760
and you kinda had the same reaction I did.

481
18:23.760 --> 18:25.980
It's just awesome when the dog sniffs 'em, awesome.

482
18:25.980 --> 18:27.117
<v ->And it takes just long enough</v>

483
18:27.117 --> 18:28.840
that I was like when is this gonna happen,

484
18:28.840 --> 18:32.062
when he finally does and goes bananas it's just.

485
18:32.062 --> 18:33.840
Everyone says how I have a cold, black heart,

486
18:33.840 --> 18:36.300
but if you don't react to that and you're not happy by that

487
18:36.300 --> 18:38.000
you're dead, you don't have balls.

488
18:38.000 --> 18:39.180
<v ->Nate, you gonna turn this into a sex thing?</v>

489
18:39.180 --> 18:41.040
<v ->Yeah, you gonna fuck the dog, you gonna fuck the dog Nate?</v>

490
18:41.040 --> 18:42.490
<v ->I thought that was just beautiful.</v>

491
18:42.490 --> 18:45.030
<v ->You're gonna put the dog's balls on your face Nate,</v>

492
18:45.030 --> 18:48.140
go to Olive Garden?
<v ->I would not take that dog</v>

493
18:48.140 --> 18:49.920
to Olive Garden, he has an owner already.

494
18:49.920 --> 18:51.750
But I thought that was lovely what you said

495
18:51.750 --> 18:52.960
and I agree with you.

496
18:52.960 --> 18:55.530
<v ->Alright, so that's the normal post-show.</v>

497
18:55.530 --> 18:56.640
<v Producer>UNTUCKit?</v>

498
18:56.640 --> 18:57.580
<v ->What?</v>
<v ->Ad two.</v>

499
18:57.580 --> 18:59.790
<v ->Oh yeah, good job.</v>
<v ->UNTUCKit, my favorite.</v>

500
18:59.790 --> 19:00.900
<v ->Alright, do you wanna do the read?</v>

501
19:00.900 --> 19:04.100
<v ->I would prefer not to.</v>
<v ->Okay, UNTUCKit.</v>

502
19:04.100 --> 19:07.130
The promo code stoolies, this is of course the shirt

503
19:07.130 --> 19:09.630
that fits perfect, untucked which is designed to do,

504
19:09.630 --> 19:11.380
so you don't have the long blousey shirts.

505
19:11.380 --> 19:14.900
20% off all purchases, untuckit.com.

506
19:14.900 --> 19:16.210
Solve the problem by making shirts

507
19:16.210 --> 19:18.650
specifically designed to be worn untucked.

508
19:18.650 --> 19:21.970
Again, 20% off all purchases, great deal,

509
19:21.970 --> 19:23.550
high-quality merch.

510
19:23.550 --> 19:25.810
<v ->Original stoolies support him, UNTUCKit.</v>

511
19:25.810 --> 19:28.180
<v ->And the code is stoolies, and they've kinda blown up.</v>

512
19:28.180 --> 19:31.670
There's stores everywhere, there's one I think in SoHo.

513
19:31.670 --> 19:33.630
<v ->When you're in SoHo that's when you're legit, right?</v>

514
19:33.630 --> 19:34.610
<v ->SoHo's the real deal.</v>

515
19:34.610 --> 19:36.730
So UNTUCKit, check it out,

516
19:36.730 --> 19:39.020
that is the Rundown, the post-show.

517
19:39.020 --> 19:41.460
I guess it's brought to you by UNTUCKit to a degree.

518
19:41.460 --> 19:45.750
So the big news today, Nate, during Barstool Radio

519
19:45.750 --> 19:47.363
I fired you as the coach.

520
19:47.363 --> 19:49.240
<v ->I was released from my contract I think</v>

521
19:49.240 --> 19:51.250
is the official jargon.

522
19:51.250 --> 19:53.830
<v ->There's been four Barstool Basketball events,</v>

523
19:53.830 --> 19:55.690
you have either resigned or been fired

524
19:55.690 --> 19:57.240
directly after all four of 'em.

525
19:58.480 --> 20:00.580
<v ->Yes, it's after each one I've resigned I think.</v>

526
20:00.580 --> 20:02.370
I thought I've resigned twice, it could be three times.

527
20:02.370 --> 20:05.060
<v ->You resigned twice and then you were half-fired last week,</v>

528
20:05.060 --> 20:06.570
you're fully fired this time.

529
20:06.570 --> 20:08.240
<v ->I'm fully fired though, that is correct.</v>

530
20:08.240 --> 20:09.073
<v ->Yeah, you're fired, I fired you.</v>

531
20:09.073 --> 20:11.740
You were a terrible coach, you're not a leader of men.

532
20:11.740 --> 20:15.160
You're fired, Nate you're fired.

533
20:15.160 --> 20:17.753
<v ->I mean, so I'm done.</v>
<v ->Yes, you're fired.</v>

534
20:18.882 --> 20:21.450
Because you're useless, you're not a leader of men,

535
20:21.450 --> 20:22.560
they need a leader of men.

536
20:22.560 --> 20:23.970
Actually helping, I'm saying--

537
20:23.970 --> 20:25.080
<v ->If I'm fired I'm fired, I won't show up next week,</v>

538
20:25.080 --> 20:26.030
I'm done?
<v ->You're fired.</v>

539
20:26.030 --> 20:28.933
<v ->Alright, good.
(hearty laughter)</v>

540
20:30.010 --> 20:31.310
<v ->What a little tantrum.</v>

541
20:31.310 --> 20:34.400
What a little tantrum from a little man.

542
20:34.400 --> 20:37.990
I do think this team would've won the other night

543
20:37.990 --> 20:38.850
if I was the coach.

544
20:38.850 --> 20:41.140
<v ->I like how Smitty just happened to get water,</v>

545
20:41.140 --> 20:43.510
look at him right now, oh he's so parched all of a sudden.

546
20:43.510 --> 20:45.870
He like dumped the water out of the cups.

547
20:45.870 --> 20:49.310
<v ->Or if Fran was the coach I think that--</v>

548
20:49.310 --> 20:51.371
<v ->Fran might be the most knowledgeable basketball person</v>

549
20:51.371 --> 20:52.830
I've ever come across in my life.

550
20:52.830 --> 20:54.630
<v ->She was sitting next to me at the game</v>

551
20:54.630 --> 20:58.100
and incredibly frustrated with the way we were playing.

552
20:58.100 --> 20:59.890
There's also, I guess it was supposed to be a secret

553
20:59.890 --> 21:01.020
but it's not a secret anymore

554
21:01.020 --> 21:02.900
because buncha people came up to me,

555
21:02.900 --> 21:07.220
but Tex has entered a competitive team into this league

556
21:07.220 --> 21:09.120
because he thinks you guys stink

557
21:09.120 --> 21:10.920
and are embarrassing, or were,

558
21:10.920 --> 21:12.523
I'm now gonna take this over, but.

559
21:12.523 --> 21:14.100
<v ->You're not gonna do anything.</v>

560
21:14.100 --> 21:17.540
<v ->No I will, he thought Barstool was being embarrassed,</v>

561
21:17.540 --> 21:20.510
the brand, so he's gathered a team of interns

562
21:20.510 --> 21:23.737
and he wants you now to coach that team it sounds like.

563
21:23.737 --> 21:26.400
<v ->Oh, I don't know if I've officially been offered.</v>

564
21:26.400 --> 21:29.490
<v ->I was gonna say, that would be a stunningly bad idea.</v>

565
21:29.490 --> 21:30.940
<v ->No no, he asked me when I was over there,</v>

566
21:30.940 --> 21:33.640
he's just tryin' to get on camera right now.

567
21:33.640 --> 21:36.178
<v ->No I don't need it now.</v>
<v ->Tex is comin' over.</v>

568
21:36.178 --> 21:37.011
<v ->Tex is comin' over.</v>

569
21:37.011 --> 21:39.703
<v Tex>I didn't say coach, don't get it twisted.</v>

570
21:39.703 --> 21:44.220
I think you could learn a lot, I mean I'm serious man.

571
21:44.220 --> 21:46.781
<v ->So would he play or he would just be an assistant coach?</v>

572
21:46.781 --> 21:48.240
<v ->What do you want him there for?</v>

573
21:48.240 --> 21:51.030
<v ->An assistant.</v>
<v ->That's tough,</v>

574
21:51.030 --> 21:55.630
to go from the coach of the Celtics to the assistant

575
21:55.630 --> 21:57.310
of the Washington Generals.

576
21:57.310 --> 21:59.470
<v ->Oh my God we're gonna whip y'all's ass,</v>

577
21:59.470 --> 22:01.297
I cannot wait for this man.

578
22:01.297 --> 22:03.780
<v ->What are they, the ViceRoys, is that the team is?</v>

579
22:03.780 --> 22:06.280
<v ->You have this guy in the Philly's hat?</v>

580
22:06.280 --> 22:10.430
He could be a problem.
<v ->He could be a problem.</v>

581
22:10.430 --> 22:12.347
<v ->I mean you guys can't laugh</v>

582
22:12.347 --> 22:16.180
'cause y'all's performance last night was pathetic.

583
22:16.180 --> 22:17.590
<v ->It was terrible.</v>
<v ->Pathetic.</v>

584
22:17.590 --> 22:20.208
<v ->And what did we do, we fired the coach.</v>

585
22:20.208 --> 22:22.430
<v ->I mean, there was no leadership.</v>

586
22:22.430 --> 22:23.970
<v ->Then what do we do, we fired the coach.</v>

587
22:23.970 --> 22:26.350
<v ->But I mean from the team either, I mean--</v>

588
22:26.350 --> 22:28.020
<v ->Are you gonna coach this team?</v>

589
22:28.020 --> 22:28.853
<v ->Yeah.</v>

590
22:28.853 --> 22:30.500
<v ->You think you can out-coach Fran?</v>

591
22:30.500 --> 22:32.223
<v ->Yep.</v>
<v ->I dunno about that.</v>

592
22:33.260 --> 22:34.800
I dunno about that.

593
22:34.800 --> 22:38.120
<v ->I'm a passionate guy and they're gonna play hard.</v>

594
22:38.120 --> 22:40.220
<v ->Who's on this team besides the huge guy?</v>

595
22:42.060 --> 22:44.243
<v ->Alarmingly stupid too.</v>

596
22:45.100 --> 22:46.570
<v ->I feel like I could tell these guys</v>

597
22:46.570 --> 22:49.170
just to shoot on their own hoop they'd be like okay.

598
22:50.010 --> 22:52.880
<v ->But the thing is they might not be the most talented,</v>

599
22:52.880 --> 22:57.880
but I believe I'm such a good coach that we can win still.

600
22:58.350 --> 23:02.330
Because these guys are egos, just egos.

601
23:02.330 --> 23:04.520
<v ->That is correct.</v>
<v ->That is true.</v>

602
23:04.520 --> 23:05.490
<v ->Well we'll see what happens,</v>

603
23:05.490 --> 23:06.730
it'll be an interesting game when we play.

604
23:06.730 --> 23:11.263
Last time a B team Barstool basketball team

605
23:12.160 --> 23:14.467
tried to play an A team they lost by like 60.

606
23:14.467 --> 23:16.233
<v ->And the common theme is Smitty.</v>

607
23:16.233 --> 23:18.780
<v ->Smitty brought in the B team in Philly</v>

608
23:18.780 --> 23:19.613
and lost by a hundo.

609
23:19.613 --> 23:21.730
<v ->Now Dave, can I ask you a question about you firing me</v>

610
23:21.730 --> 23:23.450
without consulting the GM?

611
23:23.450 --> 23:26.840
He's not happy about that, you wanna?

612
23:26.840 --> 23:28.580
<v ->Oh I don't care.</v>
<v ->Oh you don't care?</v>

613
23:28.580 --> 23:31.100
<v ->I mean what did you think the answer was gonna be there?</v>

614
23:31.100 --> 23:32.330
That he was gonna be worried about it?

615
23:32.330 --> 23:35.240
<v ->It's not a power struggle, it goes owner, GM, coach.</v>

616
23:35.240 --> 23:36.330
I coulda fired you too.

617
23:36.330 --> 23:38.280
<v ->You seemed quite upset that you weren't consulted.</v>

618
23:38.280 --> 23:40.050
You said you were gonna have a talk with the owner after.

619
23:40.050 --> 23:42.330
<v ->I think the GM should be involved in conversations,</v>

620
23:42.330 --> 23:43.800
especially with replacements.

621
23:43.800 --> 23:46.270
<v ->I mean the thing is, it wasn't like we went</v>

622
23:46.270 --> 23:48.160
into Barstool Radio being like Nate's fired,

623
23:48.160 --> 23:49.700
we started talking about the game more

624
23:49.700 --> 23:51.310
and it's like oh my God, he's such a bad coach,

625
23:51.310 --> 23:52.217
we gotta fire him.

626
23:52.217 --> 23:53.240
<v ->It was the worst performance.</v>

627
23:53.240 --> 23:55.500
It was the worst post-game press conference

628
23:55.500 --> 23:56.333
I've ever seen in my life.

629
23:56.333 --> 24:00.200
<v ->When the team goes two for nine from the foul line</v>

630
24:00.200 --> 24:01.860
I can't control that as a coach.

631
24:01.860 --> 24:05.673
<v ->But you can control and have to dictate the game.</v>

632
24:06.666 --> 24:10.513
<v Male Voice>That was literally my goddamn action man.</v>

633
24:10.513 --> 24:14.240
<v ->Well when we're toweling over the team by six inches</v>

634
24:14.240 --> 24:15.957
per player and you're lettin' people shoot threes--

635
24:15.957 --> 24:19.267
<v ->You know nobody can hear you, like you do that a lot.</v>

636
24:19.267 --> 24:21.140
'Kay this is gonna just devolve,

637
24:21.140 --> 24:22.540
the point is you're fired, so.

638
24:22.540 --> 24:23.373
<v ->No I know, so.</v>

639
24:24.440 --> 24:26.350
<v ->I wanna hear this inspirational speech though.</v>

640
24:26.350 --> 24:30.908
<v ->So you like to make excuses to not fix that bad habit.</v>

641
24:30.908 --> 24:33.660
<v Female Voice>It's something Tex can smooth over.</v>

642
24:33.660 --> 24:35.940
<v ->Tex, you get your own squad, we'll get to see.</v>

643
24:35.940 --> 24:39.160
He definitely didn't take, you were crazy in there.

644
24:39.160 --> 24:40.810
I mean you do basically--

645
24:40.810 --> 24:42.663
<v ->You were sayin' two plus two is five,</v>

646
24:42.663 --> 24:43.980
you were makin' no sense.

647
24:43.980 --> 24:45.310
<v ->You blame everything on the players.</v>

648
24:45.310 --> 24:46.970
<v ->I don't think you gave the coach long enough</v>

649
24:46.970 --> 24:48.850
to implement his system, I think two games

650
24:48.850 --> 24:51.130
is not a big enough sample size,

651
24:51.130 --> 24:53.810
especially when your star player goes oh for 10

652
24:53.810 --> 24:54.843
and you go two for nine from the line.

653
24:54.843 --> 24:57.580
<v ->'Kay Marco that has to be said, he was sick</v>

654
24:57.580 --> 24:59.100
and I've heard a lot of excuses.

655
24:59.100 --> 25:00.580
I think people are afraid of him.

656
25:00.580 --> 25:04.760
For a guy who since I've known has been our Michael Jordan

657
25:04.760 --> 25:06.960
of the office he was horrible yesterday.

658
25:06.960 --> 25:10.610
<v ->I think if you read my blog on barstoolsports.com</v>

659
25:10.610 --> 25:11.930
that says that I've been fired

660
25:11.930 --> 25:13.730
I think you will agree with most of my logical points.

661
25:13.730 --> 25:16.260
<v ->Also you take a dig at me, you're like--</v>

662
25:16.260 --> 25:17.200
<v ->I didn't take a dig at you.</v>

663
25:17.200 --> 25:19.273
<v ->Texting 19 year old girls.</v>
<v ->You were.</v>

664
25:19.273 --> 25:21.000
That's what you do though, that's not a dig.

665
25:21.000 --> 25:22.800
<v ->What do you mean I was, no I wasn't.</v>

666
25:22.800 --> 25:25.180
<v ->I glanced over at your phone, I see you sliding.</v>

667
25:25.180 --> 25:27.030
But that's neither here nor there, Dave.

668
25:27.030 --> 25:28.120
<v ->What the fuck is this guy talkin' about?</v>

669
25:28.120 --> 25:30.250
<v ->Have you ever taken responsibility for anything?</v>

670
25:30.250 --> 25:31.690
<v ->Tex, you still have a mic?</v>

671
25:31.690 --> 25:35.480
But the fact is I don't think you gave me enough of a time

672
25:35.480 --> 25:39.728
to get my squad fully prepared.

673
25:39.728 --> 25:42.415
<v ->How many plays did you write 'em, how many plays?</v>

674
25:42.415 --> 25:44.500
He said zero.
<v ->Tex please, don't.</v>

675
25:44.500 --> 25:45.850
<v ->You didn't take any responsibility,</v>

676
25:45.850 --> 25:47.750
you just blamed everything on poor shooting.

677
25:47.750 --> 25:50.190
<v ->No, I said I'm learning as a coach.</v>

678
25:50.190 --> 25:51.023
I've never coached before,

679
25:51.023 --> 25:52.180
I said we're getting better every week.

680
25:52.180 --> 25:53.500
<v ->I can't do this again, I can't do this again.</v>

681
25:53.500 --> 25:56.010
<v ->If you wanna see any of the stuff</v>

682
25:56.010 --> 25:58.150
of Nate being a delusional spider monkey,

683
25:58.150 --> 25:59.688
we have it from Barstool Radio, right?

684
25:59.688 --> 26:02.730
<v ->Yeah, I think a lot of it's on Twitter at barstoolradio.</v>

685
26:02.730 --> 26:05.807
<v ->It's in my blog on barstoolsports.com.</v>

